The Nogottalife Show: Merry, Pippin…and Treebeard?? *Camera fades…Kasey Nogottalife Bloom walks out…wearing a plaid, pleated skirt, army boots, and a layered t-shirt with an, "Orli's Bitch," logo…she waves to the audience…music from "Chicago" plays…damn them, they won more Oscars than LotR…crowd boos upon hearing the fucking tune that they played every time Chicago got a fucking Oscar, "All that Jazz…." I hate musicals…. * Kasey: Hell-ooo Middle-Earth!!  Tonight we have Peregrin Took, Meriadoc Brandybuck and Treebeard, he to tell us how everything has been going since they meet in Fangorn…annd here they are!! *Merry, followed by Pippin, followed by Treebeard, who barely fits onset come in…they all take a seat, Treebeard sitting on the floor as we could not find a chair sturdy enough for him…. * Kasey: How are you guys?? Pippin: Ahoy there, fine Kasey…. Merry: Not me, I have splinters in me bum from the ride over here…. Treebeard: Not…my…fault…. I…told…you…to…bring…something…comfy…to…sit…on…. Merry: Well, I wasn't listening, cause I usually tune you out cause you talk…like…this…. *High-fives Pippin…and no one really understands why…audience thinks that it might be a form of Hobbit sex or a kinky inside joke…I think they are just hobbits and don't have to make sense…I know this sure as HELL don't! * Pippin: That's good Merry. Merry: Thanks Pippin…. Treebeard: They…always…do…this…. Kasey: Do what Treebeard?? Treebeard: Make…fun…of…the…way… Pippin: The way he talks…. Treebeard: And…they…always… Merry: We always interrupt him…. Treebeard: And…finish…my…. Pippin: And finish his sentences for him…. Merry: It's a kinda telepathic thing Kasey…plus he talks so slow that you know what he's going to say before it even comes all the way out of his mouth…. Treebeard: I…resent…. Pippin: You resent that, we know, but it's just so easy we can't help it…. Treebeard: So…. Merry: Mean to you, but not really, put yourself in our position.  We love you dearly, but your speech grates on the ears after a while, you can't help but cut it off…. Kasey: *Mutters…* I never knew hobbits were so inconsiderate…being so ungrateful that they have Treebeard as a sex partner…very upsetting…. *thinks, maybe I'll invite him to come with Orli and me? * Merry: What was that Kasey?? Kasey: Nothing…so, how's y'all's private life going?? Pippin: *smiles mischievously…* He so good in bed…the both of them… Merry: Treebeard gives the best foot massages…and Pippin…he…. Kasey: Hold on guys, commercial…I'm Kasey Nogottalife Bloom and this is the Nogottalife Show.  We shall return after the stupid fucking commercials…. *Camera fades…to the same cheesy-assed commercials.  That dumass bitch of a writer that wrote this stupid fucking parody has yet to come up with new products…she's such a dumass…hey; I think that's her flipping me off!!  Is that an offer ho?? Bring it bitch!!  Camera fades back to the Nogottalife Show and Kasey's guests, Pippin, Merry, and Treebeard…. * Kasey: Annd we have returned!!  Kasey Nogottalife Bloom here, talking with Merry, Pippin, and Treebeard.  Well Merry, you were saying…? Merry: I was saying that Pippin is so rough…he love that kinky shit, you know, getting tied up, tying me and Treebeard up…we have a straitjacket that we use frequently…. *Camera fades to the audience…and all of them have left except this really old horny guy who's been stalking Kasey since she was ten…he had some plastic surgery done so he could bypass the restraining order, now he looks like a really old ugly, Elf, probably hoping to seduce Kasey because everyone knows she has a thing for Elves, but what he doesn't know is that she has a thing for good-looking Elves…. * Kasey: That's way gross.  *But everyone knows that she and Orlando have one too…. * Merry: maybe, but we've seen your webcam.  You must not think it's too gross…. Pippin: Yeah, we watched the things you and Orlando do…. Kasey: *blushing furiously…* Well SO!?! We have watched the things y'all do to………..*breaks off, slapping a hand over her mouth.  Hobbits, and Treebeard smile…* Treebeard: We…knew…. Pippin: We knew it….!! Merry: We knew that y'all had seen our webcam!! We knew that neither of you could resist an address like: Hobbits_hopping_onatree@kinky.com………………. Kasey: *Covering her face…* I think we are out of time…………….. Pippin: What do ya mean…we just now had our commercial, we still have 15 minutes of airtime left…we wanna know what you and Orli thought of it………………… Kasey: This is the Nogottalife Show!! I'm Kasey Nogottalife Bloom, and next week we have Gandalf the Grey/nowWhite on the show, discussing his life as a Maia…and Boromir and Haldir, telling us what its like to be dead…Goodnight!!!!  Somebody get the hobbits off my stage!!!!!!! *Camera fades…Uruk-hai security drags Pippin and Merry from the set…they draw swords and fight…Treebeard simply walks out, not a fighter unless his trees are at stake…. Merry: For tha Shire!! Pippin: Run!!! They flee the set…lights dim and ending credits run……………………* Brought to you by: Noshitsherlock Enterprises: "It's so obvious…" Make-up by: Nimrodel's Naturals, "It's Nice…" Hair by: Celeborn's Corner, "We shall make you blonde…" Music by: Bare Naked Orcsies, "This is the song that never ends…it goes on and on again…" Goodnight….