Journey to Healing ~ is my first book.
I’ve always wanted to write and I’ve always wanted to help people. Finding the direction of where to start has been very difficult, as there are so many areas to focus on. Over the years I’ve worked many jobs ~ the media, the government, private sector, environmental advocacy, volunteer programs, all of which I was trying to discover where and how I can help. Finding the right niche has been difficult. Also finding the place where I feel I am making a difference has been hard.
This is where Journey to healing began.
Last year I lost my twin brother in a car accident. It was a loss I never thought imaginable. I lost my life partner, my other half, my identity. My world came crumbling down. Overcoming the pain and finding the energy to get out of bed was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. Furthermore, as much happiness as I have seen in my life, I have had hardships and trying experiences, all of which hit me full force with the loss of Matthew. While in the pain of losing my brother I made a lot of bad choices and chose more pain. My life was headed on a path of destruction. I prayed for death everyday. I couldn’t find that happy person that once existed. After nearly a year of crying and bad choices I felt as though I was standing on the edge of a cliff with no parachute. My choice was to jump or reassess the direction I was headed in.
While I was going through the motions of this last year I kept a journal. As I started to heal and make better choices one day I went back and read my journal. Words lay before my eyes that I do not even recall writing. A sadness that I knew I had felt, but never realized the depths to my pain articulated into words, so raw and real. A place I wish never to go back to. A place I am sure many can relate to. In the process of my healing I was given many self-help books and while I was in my depths of despair, the idea of reading a book that told me how I should feel, not what I was feeling was not the solution for me. I never read any of them, in fact I felt more resentful of the books ~ I didn’t need self-help books I needed someone to relate to how I felt. And this is why I am publishing my journal of this last year.
This book is not the solution of how to heal. It is not a self help book. It is a book where others who have felt pain, loss, made bad choices, have experienced abusive relationships or have turned to drugs and alcohol as an escape can relate to. It is my memoir of this last year ~ a part of my experience, but not who I am as a whole. I am a very private person and never in a million years did I think I would share my story publicly. However, my need to help others is much stronger and I feel sharing my story will help others.
My book is in the editing stage and I am crossing my fingers that it will be ready for print very soon. If you are interested in purcahsing a copy of the book or would like more information please send me an email through the feedback section.
In the mean time a dear friend of mine keeps on asking for Excerpts of the book… I’ve gone through and pulled out two...
"This week is my pity party week. This week I’ve wallowed in anger, frustration, and complete sadness. This week I’m working on preparing myself to turn 30 alone. This week I’ve prayed for death. I’ve yelled at Matthew for leaving me behind. I’ve cursed the world for all its injustices. I’ve given in to the negativity of thought. I’ve acted irrational. Yet I refuse to let myself lose full control. I’m MAD ~ yet I haven’t fully roared!"
"It was as though all the hurt I have ever endured in my life hit me full force and slammed me in the face. It’s like when a boxer gets 15 concussions from fighting and the 16th one is the one that makes him brain dead. That was my year. My year of pain and my lifetime of hurt built up and hit me like a train wreck."
