Once there was a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins- No, I think it was an elf named Haldir.
Anyway, 13 dwarves- no, they were also elves named Haldir- happened upon Haldir's house. Encouraged by a wizard named Gandalf- No it was an elf named Haldir- to kill a dragon named Smaug- dreadfully sorry, it was an elf named Haldir.

Haldir: Lets go Haldir, that dragon, er, uh, elf won't kill itself
Haldir: ok Haldir. Ready when you are
Haldir: Right then, lets go

And so the company of 15 Haldirs set out towards Rivendell. Which is now called Haldirsville.

Haldir: I think this is it
Haldir: Oh no! Trolls! And their nametags say 'Haldir the elf'!
Haldir: Don't make me eat you, Haldir

And so the Haldirs finally went to Haldirsville

Elrond-er, uh, Haldir: so, you have travelled from Haldirland (Shire) to here.
Haldirs: Yes
Glorfindel: It's not fair. Arwen takes every part that I should have.
Arwen: Shut up Glorfindel. You're not in this story, so I can't take your place.

Glorfindel shoves Arwen off a cliff. There is much rejoicing.

And so the Haldirs set forth to Mirkwood.

Thranduil: I'm dead
Legolas: Now I get to be king!

The Haldirs, along with the royal elven guard, stuff Legolas into a barrel, after cutting off his legs, and sent him to Lake Town.

Haldirs: (this includes the royal guard, all of which were named Haldir) Off to Dale!

And in Lake-Town, the leader (his name was also Haldir) found Legless in a barrel and sent him to Dale. The Dragon, er, um, elf Samug, er, uh, Haldir, killed Legless. As a token of their gratitude, the Haldirs gave Haldir their land, and renamed it from Dale to Haldir World in his honor. It is now a major theme park.

With Legless the preppie elf dead, Haldir and the other Haldirs returned home. Only to find that Haldir's house was about to be bought by the Sackville-Haldirs. So he killed them. The End.