I am you (twelve months into the future!)  By Mgarner11   Don’t believe me? Compare your situation now with mine 12 months ago: I cried every morning and every night. I checked my email/caller ID hoping to see my ex’s name – it was never there, and that drove me crazy. I couldn’t fall asleep unless I popped a Xanax. I started taking antidepressants. I did not do my job well because I was constantly thinking about the ex. I was afraid of weekends - no, terrified of them - because I would be utterly alone without my ex who was out living it up. I was constantly nervous. I drank more and ate less. I stopped calling mutual friends. I stopped calling my friends and decided to become a hermit. My diet consisted of alcohol, coffee, and cigarettes. I avoided my favorite restaurants/shops because the ex might be there – with, God forbid, somebody new. I felt as if I would never love again, that I had lost that perfect someone. I was alone and felt abandoned/unlovable. Suicide looked like a better alternative than enduring this pain I thought about my ex every minute of every day. I schemed in my head ways to get back together. Ok, now are you convinced we’re in the same pickle? You’re probably asking yourself how long these feelings will last, beating yourself up for things you said or didn’t say, or wondering if the ex is going to call and sweep you back into his or her arms to the flourish of a 120-piece symphony. I know. I’ve been there. Dream on. Those are Hollywood images that make us feel more miserable. People break up. It happens. It happened to me, it happened to the people on this board, it happens to everybody, and I’m sorry it happened to you. Somebody was not happy in the relationship and needed to get out. And, as I suspect, some of you needed to get out of these unhealthy relationships anyway yet you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. YOU CAN’T SEE IT NOW, I know, but this horrible ordeal will not continue for the rest of your life. You will survive because the body has a natural defensive mode that lets you heal even if you consciously don’t feel like it. I’m going to tell you something that I hated to hear from others, but sadly it’s true: "In time, you will get through this." It won’t happen tonight, or tomorrow for that matter. But, you heal a little bit every day. And let’s face it, a lot of days means a heckuva lot of healing. How did I, a hypersensitive guy who truly loved on a deep level, survive this? I don’t have the answers, but here’s what I did over the course of the year: I stopped smoking and saved the money for an expensive, extravagant trip. I got my butt into a gym, and now I look and feel 100 times better. You won’t believe how my stock went up once my biceps got bigger. I got off the couch and joined the world of the living – even when I wanted to stay home. I laughed out loud in bars, museums, work meetings, and parties. I met new people and discovered I am not the lie my ex wanted me to believe: I am a great person. I mended an-estranged relationship with my brother. I went on vacations. I flirted more and pouted less. I amplified all my "bad" habits that really pissed off the ex. (Came up with more puns, starting wearing cologne the ex hated, put $10 of gas at a time in my car, picked my own radio stations in the car, etc) I saw a therapist. I cut the drinking by 90 percent (ok, honestly, maybe 80 percent). I swore that the best revenge on my ex is to live well, and that I am doing. I put everything the ex bought me into a box in the attic. In a few years time, I’ll open that box and laugh since by that time my ex will just be a blip on the radar screen. I posted and read posts from others on BUS. I cried with some of you, I got angry with you (JerryVA), and I prayed for those seriously considering suicide. But most importantly, I let my ex go. That was the hardest part. No doubt about it. I now wish my ex nothing but health and happiness. (Ok, but I still wouldn’t mind a house falling on top of ‘em) To everyone here, in the early stages of the break up or a few months down the road, I know it seems like your life is over. You can feel the weight of the situation on your shoulders. Believe me, I didn’t think I was a strong person when it happened to me. You will get through this. Have faith in yourself. Believe! Post on BUS daily. Help people out who are experiencing different problems. And, please keep the no contact rule in effect. It truly is the only way to go! If it’s any consolation, the names today on this board are unrecognizable to me from February 1, the day I decided to move on.   I still miss my ex, I still have arguments in my head that will go unsaid, and I still wish we were together. But, when I have these thoughts, I know there’s something better out there. You just gotta have faith. Take care of yourselves, everyone Love and light, Mgarner11   Click here to read or respond to Mgarner11's original post Back to Success Stories