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Some tips for everyone who is having a hard time By StaceyDJ Hello everyone! I know many of you are going through this terrible experience, and you are probably thinking "what am I going to do?". I hope to add some insight and give you some ideas on how to cope with this heartbreak, based on my own experiences. As many of you know, I am now very happy in another relationship and I have a wonderful new girlfriend who treats me better than anyone ever has. Today is our 8 month anniversary, and things are going great. I still come to the board because I want this chance to give back to many of you because you helped me out when I was going through this. Here are some tips to help you cope: 1. Come to accept the fact it is over and God has something better for you I think this is probably one of the hardest things people want to believe. It seems like everyone (and I've done it myself) always wants to try and do something "magical", and they think that by just doing one little thing will make everything ok. Well, the reality is, that isn't the case. You aren't a miracle worker and neither am I. I know it's hard to accept the fact it is over, but the important thing is to realize you did the best you could, which leads me to my next point. 2. Avoid blaming yourself Okay, let's face it....we've all been through a break up and you sit and try to anylyze everything. You think "What if I had only done this or that" or "What if we had...." or "What if we hadn't....". This kind of thinking will only drive you crazy....don't do that to yourself. I know it's hard, but you have to realize the reality, that person left you. You have to realize the relationship didn't work out because God has something better for you, and you can't try and analyze the situation because you will never know.....accept the fact that you did the best you could, it just wasn't God's plan for you to be with this person. 3. Learn to deal with your loss I've been there.....you're now single and you don't know what to do. The pain is so overwhelming you feel like you can't deal with it. Well, the first thing you need to do is take down everything that reminds you of them. Put the pictures, love letters, and anything they gave you in a box. Having that stuff lying around will only make things worse. If you live alone, then it is going to be tough coming home to a quiet house. All of the suddent you get the feeling someone died, and in a sense someone has. For me, I work nights and it was rough the first few weeks coming home to my quiet house and walking into my bedroom and not seeing her there like I used to. For me, I started turning on the stereo in my bedroom to talk radio, and I would leave it on talk radio all night while I was at work. It wasn't as bad coming home and hearing people talking in my bedroom, it sure beat coming home to silence.....it helps, trust me. Also, it took me nearly 3 weeks before I could even sleep in my bed again. If that makes you feel better, sleep on the couch for a while, but understand at some point you are going to have to face reality and return to your bedroom. Also, spend time with your friends. They are your best line of support.. 4. Understand that you will love again I think this is another one I had a problem with. I know you probably are thinking "I'll never love anyone like I loved them", and you are right, you won't. Every relationship is different....you won't kiss the same, make love the same, and you won't communicate exactly the same. Things will be different in your next relationship, but that could be a good thing. You will love again, but it won't be the same, and that's not a bad thing at all. I know it's hard to believe that right now, and you are probably thinking you will never get over it and it will be impossible to love again. As time goes on, you will learn you will love again and it will be better than you ever imagined. Trust me, I'm experincing that right now. 5. Realize your ex is not as wonderful as you thought they were This is another one most people have a problem realizing. No matter how much you loved them, what you did together, or how wonderful your relationship was, your ex is not perfect and wonderful. As humans, it's just natural for us to think when we don't have them anymore they seem perfect and wonderful, but I assure you they are not. You feel like you lost a lot, but the thing you need to understand is it is their loss. They dumped you, and if you honestly treated them right, they will realize the grass isn't greener on the other side. I can assure you that they are the ones who missed out, not you. 6. Always practice the no contact rule I know it's easy to want to call them, drive by their house to see what cars are there, and e-mail them.....well stop. You may have ended your relationship on good or bad terms, doesn't matter. You must practice no contact because if you don't, you will not get over this person. Maybe you have to see them everyday, and if that's the case, speak to them and go on. After a considerable amount of time, then you can be their friend. I'm still very close friends with a girl I broke up with 10 years ago, and we are best friends to this day. We decided to give some time and space between us before we tried being friends. Trying to be their friend, going by their house, calling, texting, e-mailing, or any other form of contact will only prolong you getting over them. No contact is a must, and you must avoid the temptation. 7. Get involved in a local church I think the biggest thing anyone wants to know is "where can I go to meet someone new?". I think getting involved in a local church is a great start. Get to know the singles minister and ask him about activities coming up, and go to them. You will feel so much better by getting out and getting involved, but remember, just be friends with everyone. Don't be on the prowel to meet someone right away, it will happen when the time is right. 8. Avoid comparing your ex to any new person you meet, and also avoid talking about your ex Start off on a clean slate....don't talk about your ex and compare them to someone you might go out with. Face it, the last thing we want is to hear about someone's ex. Of course, if the person asks, be honest. My girlfriend heard some old messages I had saved on my answering machine, and she asked questions. I was honest with her and told her what happened, but try to avoid talking about the ex. Remember, the ex is just that, and ex. 9. Be faithful to your next boyfriend / girlfriend starting today Yes, you read that correctly....begin being faithful to your future boyfriend / girlfriend now.The minute my ex walked out the door, I began being faithful to my current girlfriend even though I didn't know who she was yet. What I mean by that is don't go out and do something you will regret later, like sleeping with someone just to stop your heart from breaking. Remember that you will have another boyfriend / girlfriend, and you need to save yourself for them when you can experince making love. It's worth the wait, so don't go out and try and get a "quick fix". Don't let your broken heart get the best of you by making you go out and do something you will later regret. 10. Finally, love yourself and tell yourself you are special Yes, love yourself. Remember, you are special and you have to realize that before anyone else can. You are a miracle and it is even a miracle you are here today, and always remember you are wonderful. I hope these tips will help many of you out. Just remember, no matter how hard it seems right now, it really does get better. Keep in mind that just like a bad thunderstorm, "this too, shall pass". Good luck, Stacey |
