I have a success story. I have not been on lately because though I have been in the pain most are going through now, I have found a new life, love and outlook I thought could never be. It was here to BUS I came crying and hopeless. Thought I would never ever feel like a real person again. Wanting to end my life just because I allowed someone, a man, a married man, make me feel like I could only need him, he was the only one who would love me. I fell into this world of lies and deception. I had zero self esteem, so I believed him. After promising me the world, he left me, went back home to his safety net, wifey. I was devistated. Thinking since I couldn't even keep a MM happy, no one would want me. I turned to BUS. Begging for an answer, pleading to have that one response take away all this pain. Though I didn;t always listen to the sound and incredible advice that I was given, I started to realize that all the responses regarding NC and telling me I was worth another persons love, they were real. Individuals who don't even know me, gave me such hope and inspiration, it started to sink in very slowly, but it did get to my stubborn brain and defensive heart. You all here is what actually got me through this agony and pain. My therapist didnt even have the answers and insights I received from everyone here. People who were going through the same pain and heartache. You all understood me. I did start to listen and be patient. I LOVE YOU ALL, MY EXTENDED FAMILY.
I started dating, but no one was the one. I kept thinking no one wants me, I am 20 lbs overweight and 42 years old. Who would want me. But you kept telling me, keep smiling, take care of yourself. I am worthy, I am beautiful because I am me.
Then I had a date. Well because I was sick and then getting the foster child I am caring for, I had to cancel with this person on 3 different occassions. I had it in my head, this was a sign. This person would never want me. Well I whined about this to you all as well, and once again you came to my help. Telling me be patient, go out on the date even though these obstacles happened. I had it in my head he would not want me. Well I walked into the restaurant where we were to meet, I took one look at him and said, Wow is he handsome, he will never want me.! After cancelling 3 times on him and being that handsome, I figured it was another disapointment. Well I have known him for only 2 months and I know I have found my soul mate. He loves me for me. He was devistated in a messy divorce as well.. He said he wants someone who will love him and not cheat on him or leave him as well. I cannot truly see myself ever leaving this man. I have found "LIFE". He has said to me that the first night we met, after spending 4 hours talking about anything and everything in a small diner, he said he knew right then and there I was the one for him. He told me I was so beautiful when I walked through the door, his thoughts to himself was, "She will never want me". But here we are. I know this IS NOT A REBOUND. I know in my heart, this is it. I also know that God sent me this Foster Child to help heal me as well. And as you all know, caring for a child is quite a job. I am single and have no children so I am learning this as I go along. But God must think I can do it, so I will do the best I can. But she is turning out to be quite the little princess with manners!!
There is hope, happiness and life after a breakup. You are worthy of love. You are a damn good person. We grow from our hurt. We become stronger and know we will never allow this to happen to us again. Please believe me, it will happen to all of you. I prayed to God and listened to the priest when he told us to be patient. The word patient stuck in my head, though I figured it didn't pertain to me, it did. I have survived a pain that I thought would take my life. I lost my husband very young and I survived that. I lost a love that was not really a love, but a time filling effort to try and move on. Now I have found love. I suppose we do have to go through the bad to find the good in life. I have done that, I know it is waiting for all of you out there.
I do not want to gloat about my happiness and success, that is why I have not been on much. But I am here for you all. I will stay with you all through this difficult time and when you reach your happiness again, be it staying single for some time with enormous amounts of independence or if you find that wonderful someone to share your life with, I will be here.
THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I AM WITH YOU ALL AND YOU ARE ALL IN MY PRAYERS..
Hugs
Katy
