SCREEN HIM NOW ! HOW TO Recognize Him BEFORE You Become a Victim or Murder Statistic. Are You SLEEPING with the ENEMY (Abuser / Terrorist / Murderer)? "Remember, once DVA starts, it usually escalates in frequency and severity, and usually NEVER STOPS until the woman is DEAD!"
Screening Tools: Warning Signs, Cycle of Violence, Questionnaire, Abuse Excuses, Lies, Violence Wheel (Power & Control) The best time for using relevant SCREENING tools such as some of the ones included in the Warning Signs is during your first initial conversation...even before that first date...and long before the Enemy digs in and takes control of you and your life.
In the beginning, the enemy often appears to be a Prince Charming, meek and humble. But know that all the while the Enemy is positioning himself to take CONTROL of YOU and YOUR life. In essence...the Enemy displays the classic JEKYLL and HYDE Syndrome. Click on: Warning Signs for a detailed list of behaviors that the experts say are seen in people who abuse their partners. Inclusive are: -
Jealousy -
Controlling Behavior -
Any Force During An Argument -
Quick Involvement -
Verbal Abuse -
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde -
Threats of Violence -
"Playful" use of Force -
Breaking or Striking Objects -
Hypersensitivity -
Unrealistic Expectations -
Isolation -
Blames Others for Problems -
Cruelty to Animals and/or Children -
Blames Other for Feelings, -
Rigid Sex Roles, etc.
THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE Highlights from Sylvia's Place Website Click on: Cycle of Violence for detailed information on each of the three (3) phases of The Cycle of Violence. The important thing to remember here is that these 3 phase keep repeating themselves, over and over and over...hence the title of the piece, The CYCLE of Violence. What follows is a quick overview of the complete and more detailed version of the document. Phase 1 - Tension Building - "Initial infatuation of the relationship fades." Phase 2 - Violence - "Some form of abusive incident occurs. This is often a physical assault, but can be psychological, verbal or emotional." Phase 3 - Honeymoon - The abuser becomes tender and apologetic and often sends or buys flowers, presents, jewelry, or writes love letters/poems. The abuser promises to NEVER do it again." Thus the Cycle begins... Remember..."Once DVA starts, it usually escalates in frequency and severity, and usually NEVER STOPS until the woman is DEAD!"
Violence Wheel (Power & Control) Highlights from the Domestic Violence Handbook Website "The chart below is a way of looking at the behaviors abusers use to get and keep control in their relationships. Battering is a choice. It is used to gain power and control over another person. Physical abuse is only one part of a system of abusive behaviors." "Abuse is never a one time event." "This chart uses the wheel to show the relationship of physical abuse to other forms of abuse. Each part shows a way to control or gain power." 
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project 206 West Fourth Street, Duluth, Minnesota 55806 (218) 722 - 2781
Highlights from Sylvia's Place Website RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONNAIRE: Rate Your Relationship Using the ABUSE INDEX Click here: Relationship Questionnaire, Abuse Index "This questionnaire is designed to help you decide if you are living in an abusive situation. There are different forms of abuse, and not everyone's experience is the same. By answering these questions, you can compare your score with the Abuse Index." Additional Highlights from Sylvia's Website Click on: Myths of Abuse Click on: Checklist
ABUSE EXCUSE...  NOT! The abuser offers up a multitude of typical excuses for abusing the woman he claims to love. But, REAL LOVE, doesn't HURT! Highlights from Alabama's DV Website "THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE." Lies Abusers Tell Abusers often tell lies about their violence to themselves, their partners, and society:
"I just need to be understood".
"I had a bad childhood."
"I can't control it." "She pushes my buttons." "I get angry."" I have a lot of stress in my life."
"She fights too."
"If I don't control her, she will control me."
"My smashing things isnt abusive, its venting."
"I just have an anger management problem." "I just have a problem when I drink or use drugs." [More] Lies
If you hear your partner making these statements... you should understand that he is lying to himself, and to you.
"I'm not as bad as a lot of other guys in there."
"We need to stay together to work this out."
"If I weren't under so much stress, I wouldn't have such a short fuse."
Remember, it is NOT your fault ladies! There is NO EXCUSE for males to abuse, beat, and even murder females!
|
