Aussie Bush Internet Terms

     Log on - Make the barbie hotter
     Log off - Don't add any more wood
     Monitor - Keep an-eye on that barbie
     Download - Getting the firewood off the ute
     Floppy disc - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
     Window - What to shut when it's cold outside
     Screen - What to shut in the mosquito season
     Byte - What the mosquitos do
     Bit - What the mosquitos did
     Mega Byte - What the Townsville mosquitos do
     Chip - A snack you get down the pub
     Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
     Modem - What you did to the hay fields
     Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
     Laptop - Where the cat sleeps
     Software - The plastic knives and forks they give you at Red Rooster
     Hardware - The real stainless steel cutlery
     Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed
     Mainframe - What holds the shed up
     Web - What a spider makes
     Web site - In the shed or under the verandah
     Cursor - Someone who swears a lot
     Search Engine - What you do when the ute won't go
     Upgrade - Steep hill
     Server - The person at the pub who brings the counter lunch
     Mail Server - The bloke at the pub who brings the counter lunch
     Sound Card - The one that wins the hand of 500
     User - The neighbour who keeps borrowing stuff
     Network - When you have to repair your fishing net
     Internet - Complicated fish net repair method
     Netscape - When a fish manoeuvres out of reach
     Online - When you get the laundry hung out on the washing line
     Off line - When the clothes pegs let go and the washing falls on the ground