Divorce Care & Support

I was married in 1989 and divorced in 1998. My exhusband decided to have a text-book midlife crisis, so he had an affair with a teenager, got a tattoo, etc. It was a very horrible divorce because we're in a small town, and it was quite the talk of the town. I was humiliated and shocked beyond belief. My exhusband and I were a perfect couple, or so I thought. Thankfully, we didn't have any children. During my divorce, I would come to the MSN message boards, and that is where I met Patrick and Gayla. They helped me tremendously, and were some of the nicest most caring people I had ever come across. Just knowing I wasn't alone in my grief, and that so many other people were going through the same thing, somehow made it less painful. I have since remarried to a wonderful man, and we now have a son together. I started this community to be the hope and friendship that I know so many people need at this point in their life. Divorce is sometimes worse than a death, and unless someone has been through it, they cannot begin to understand the depth of pain and grief. This community is dedicated to the death of my marriage, and the birth of my future. My exhusband and I are now good friends, and my life is better now than I could have ever imagined. I have a little website, with pictures and stuff, if you're interested - http://www.mitzi.cc. Thank you all for participating here, and I'm happy you found your way to this online family.

Where do i start, November 28th 2000, The past 4 weeks around here its been like walking on eggshells. My stbx was arguing with anything i said,good or bad. she was hateful toward my and hers daughter. very protective of my son. I know now i should have noticed, something is wrong, but I was blinded. till that night. Iwasnt talking much to her at allby then didnt want to hear her snap at me or my daughter anymore so keep quiet dont give her a reason. well i could only do that for so long. When we went to bed that night, I asked her why she was being so cold with me. That,s all it took. she was ready to call police and have me arrested, I called her best friend and her nephew. She was out of control ready to leave already had bags packed. I was lost didn't know what was going on. I did not fight with her, The kids came, over and mine and her best friend, and her nephew. She ened up staying with our best friend. The next day she came over and packed more thins and her music and thats the last time i seen her. Nobody knew where she was. She did not tell anybody her plans. Two days nothing. I found out then from my son that she had been having an internet affair with somebody in florida. He coulden't tell me because She made me to be the bad guy. He was devastated when he found out the truth. He knew though,, just like me he was blinded too. Then I found out she had seen him while we were on vacation. That devastated me. I was anyway but this. Anyway Me and son and daughter knew it was over We found papers on computer that she wrote to lover & they were sick. Great romance novel rated X. We found out his name, phone number and everything. My daughter called him trying to find mom. His wife answered the phone so my daughter told her what was going on. Havent heard anything about her and him since. I filed for divorce Dec. 8th afer 23 years of a very good marriage. That was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life, and never want to do it again. Were all doing alot better now, we all understand we may never see her again. It was a good lesson in life for me and kids and everybody that knew us. Teres just been so many good things happen to us sinc then. Have new friends new goals, and waiting for my new and better life to get started. Stil have ups and downs, just can't understand why. Iprobably never will. Met alot of good people in this room. Hope to meet some of you someday. Planning on some travel this spring and summer. Thats it have a great day.

i have been married for 3 yrs..together for 10 (highschool sweethearts)..seperated since aug 2000...filed for divorce in jan 2001...husband had an affair in summer of 99 took him back...then left me again in aug 2000 said he felt bad for the pain he caused me and couldn't deal with the guilt he put me and our family thru from the first affair...only to leave and because of a new girlfriend..i have 2 girls 7 and 2...thats my story in a nutshell...

As part of trying to open up and admit my feelings I will try to tell my story. I met my husband when I was 22, we met in July and were married in January of the folling year. At the time I really thought he loved me, but after the honeymon was over I found out differently, by that time I was pregnant with our son. I felt stuck and trapped, yet I tried to keep a happy home life for our son and two years later the addition of our daughter. I kept busy with the kids and stayed out of his way for the most part.

In 1979 my now ex husband was in a head on auto accident about 2 miles from our home, he was on his way home from work about 11:45p.m. He was hit head on by a drunk driver on drugs. He was badly injured and spent the better part of the next 3 months in the hospital. When he was released from the hospital he was in a body cast and confined to a hospital bed in our family room. I took his extremely bad mood as a result of being confined to the hospital bed. Maybe in part it was, but not totally. He was full of hatred and wanted revenge on the driver who had hit him. I could understand those feeligs for a while, but he never worked through his anger and soon he would take his angerout on anyone at any time.

In 1980 the patch job the doctors had odne to put him back together started to fail and he under went a total hip replacement, more pain and more anger. He still worked, but after work he did nothing but complain. In 1990 the artifical hip replacement went bad and came unglued and had to be replaced. While undergoing the pre-op testing they found he had cancer in one kidney. The kidney was removed and had not spread. Yet he would always bring it up like it was still there and that again mad him angry. The artificial hip was finally replaced, but by this time because he did not follow doctors orders for therapy he became totally diabled according to the Social Security Administration. In 1992 he found out that the replacement hip that had been put in had to be removed because of an infection and could not be replaced anymore. So now he has no hip joint and will not do anything to help himself.

We moved to Florida and settled in, his moods swings keep getting progressively worse and he becomes almost a recluse. Well not exactly if he wants to do something he does it, if I want to go someplace or do something he can't do it.

When we moved to Florida I changed professions and became a tax professional, a job I found that I liked a lot and really had a knack for doing. I worked my way up to an office manager's positioin in a short time and became sucessful and well liked in the company. This did not make him happy because for 3-1/2 months a year it took my full attentionand I di not coddle tohis evey whim. His morose attitude and hostility took a toll on me.

In January of this year on our anniversary he spent the day with another woman and then insisted that we go out to dinner with her for our anniversary. That was the beginning of the end and on March 13th I filed for divorce. My divorce was final on April 25th of this year and just today I had to sign the papers to put the house that I had given my all to for 9 years up for sale.

Maybe I wasn't the ideal wife, but I tried for 34 years to make him happy and in the end he never even asked me why I wanted a divorce, that hurt me deeply. I know he blames my job and probably my interest in the internet, but that didn't make our marriage end, it ws my salvation that kept it together for as long as it was.

Yes in the mean time I had met a man and had seen him a couple of times before we split up,, but he was not the reason either. That man also kept me sane and helped me to work through some of my anger and hurt.

That is the long and short of my marriage. I withstood mental and verbal abuse for so many years, topped withthe uncaring attitude of someone who had no idea of what love really was. Now I am dealing with the pain of 34 years of hurt, anger, pain and uncaring. How long it will take me to trust again, I don't know. I may not ever trust or love another man. I'm trying to release the pain but it is so hard and I feel like maybe no one really can ever release all the past transgressions that were handed to them. I realize that I must try and i truly am and this is one way of moving on with the process.

My husband announced in May that he was leaving (wanted to be alone) and, within a week or so, I discovered he was having an affair with alongtime "friend." He is also her husband's accountant, so there are ethical issues here, as well.
Since the day of his announcement, he has been acting single. (When I brought it up, he said he thought he was!). He comes and goes as he pleases, goes to her house, etc. He asked if he should file for divorce or I would, and I did since I was able to send interrogatories that way. I finally got him out of my bed and downstairs at the end of July.
This goes on and on. Instead of going to a hotel or getting an apartment, he is building a house (doesn't think he will have to pay me support - only our son). The house was supposed to be done in July - I'd say November at this point.
In the beginning I found they were taking her kids and mine out with them as a cover. I stopped it, as being inappropriate. He is arrogant and self-absorbed, as well as telling others that I am putting my son in the middle. She is also still married (threw her husband out of bed in April, about when this started) and her children and mine have become friends on the Internet.
He insists that he will take care of things and still pays the bills; I have been working part-time for a few years due to our son's special needs, but will need to get a full-time job soon. He is also clearly hiding money - and she, as a broker is very helpful there.
I am in touch with her husband, who has different values than I, and who is just staying put in the house while his kids see this mess too. He has actually come home to find my husband on the couch with his son, while his wife was in the shower! My husband at least has not brought her here.
My husband's lawyer has told him not to leave. I am getting sick staying in this situation, but this is my home and my son needs me. I have lost 20 pounds and am taking antidepressants, while he is starting a new life with a new family. My son just notes that "Dad tells his friends one lie, and you another and me a third - that is dumb." At 15, his wisdom is impressive: he also told me that he wants me to date again because he needs a good male role model!
How do I keep this up for another couple of months? It is not about money, as that will probably shake out in the end. I will get support and child support, and can earn a fair - not great - living (I am in human services). It is my mental and physical health that I am concerned about - my kid needs at least one healthy, whole parent who has his interests at heart. I have a therapist and my son sees one too - but, my husband does not seem to care about the impact of all this.
Sorry this is so long - any advice will be appreciated. I just feel burned out.
Thanks for listening.
jms

I am 28 years old and I just recently got divorced. My story is no different from a lot of you out there. After 7 years of marriage, my ex-husband decided he did not want to be married anymore. I should have seen it comming though. I had been depressed for a long time. I didnt know it until March of 2002. We had a lot of problems before this. We argued about the littlest things. We didnt really talk. And never went out alone. when i was diagnosed with depression I thought we were finally going to be able to work things out. We started going to counseling together while I was in therapy by myself. During this time, I found out he had had an affair with my best friend three years earlier. Of course I was no better because I had had an affair 10 months earlier with her husband. So we realized we had a lot to work out. We continued to go to therapy, I had found a new best friend and things looked a lot better. Even our love life took a jump. Then he started to become very controlling of my relationship with my best friend. He said it was because he thought she was in love with me. So we started arguing about that all the time. I finally started backing off from her to help us and then that is when the real truth came out. He had fallen in love with her. He had been seeing her without me and buying her presents. Then soon after he said he was not going to see her anymore, he asked for a divorce. I cried and begged and pleaded to give it time but he refused. I finally moved out because he had become increasingly aggressive and I had started flirting around trying to get the attention I wasnt getting from him. Once I moved out I found out he had still been seeing my former best friend. I finally gave up. Probem was he started to stalk me. Calling me constantly. Driving over to where I was staying late at night. If he didnt find me, he would look for me. If I didnt answer the phone he would show up at my place, sometimes very early in the morning. Always looking to see if anyone was there. I started becoming afraid of him. Soon after I moved out, he and my ex best friend stopped seeing each other. About two weeks before our divorce was final he asked me if I would give him another chance. I wanted to so much but i was so afraid of what might come of it. I asked him to seek therapy before I would consider it. Needless to say we have been divorced for almost two months now and he still has not gotten any help. He asked me back after the divorce but I told him I was afraid of him. I miss my family. I was very happy being a wife and mother. I never hated him. But he just didnt love me enough.....

I am trying to get through each day. It is very difficult. I am just hoping that I made the right decision. I still think we were meant to be together but we cant until he gets help. So that is my story.

I guess in hindsight I was a total fool. In 1983 I met my ex. He was ten years my senior. He wasn't like most men. I had known- I had decided to start trusting people more- that was my major mistake. I loved him and would have given him the world on a platter. We married in August of 85. I don't even think I knew who I was then. I got pregnant and it was then, when I was 71/2 months pregnant he told me the truth- he had married me because I was acceptable- not because he loved me. I thought I understood old fashioned- He is Egyptian and I happened to have a bloodline that came from Lebanon. That made me acceptable. I look back now and wondered why I didn't run.I remember feeling at the time that he was just angry. I didn't believe in divorce and so I tried. five years later I had another son and two years after that I took care of his mom who had alzheimers. She lived with us for 7 yrs until the time of her death. I think somehow I was trying to get him to love me??? Now all this seems absurd . I look back and wonder how I could have accepted what I did. He was controlling in every aspect of the word.(what I did- who I saw, sex, what accounts I had) I had begged him for marriage councelling so often. Well! in 2000 we went. He said there that when he married me he liked me!!! I am the first toget divorced in my family and I know I did not want to hear the lectures. I lived my life for what others wanted or what I thought they wanted. Now! it is with me in mind. Me and my boys.Three years ago was the first time I ever stopped my ex from insulting me. My eldest son ( was 13 at the time) smiled. he said it was about time. Our relationship has flourished since then.

Since filing and he being ordered from the house- he has threatened my life - is trying to say I tried to commit suicide- I am on medication for my nerves. I still can't deal with him on my own. He scares the life out of me. As I slowly get my life together I have started to find my old friends( those I was not allowed to have while married) make new friends and get on with my life. I now have a certificate as a nurses aide and looking for work. Well lets see what happens. One day at a time- today is Mother's Day and I am going to spend a quiet day with my boys knowing how lucky I am to have them. I could go on and on. Anyway that is my story.

Well I don't knaow where to begin, so I guess I will start from the beginning.

I have been married for four years now. I have known my husband all of my life. As children we hated each other (should have gotten a clue then). I had not seen or talked to him for five years when out of the blue the phone rang. That was in 1998. He was on the other end and we ended up talking for hours. Shortly after that he moved in with me. We were married in Feb of 1999. When we were dating he was the perfect gentleman, always treated me kind, took me places so on and so forth. Little did I know, he had quite the past. After the marraige certificate was signed my life as I knew it was over. I became his property now, and there was nothing I could do about it. I also found out that he had a fetish or should I say addiction to pornography. Not just adult, but also teenage pornography. This made me sick to my stomach, but I was told that every man does it, and it's just a part of life. I didn't know what I had gotten myself into, and didn't know that even though I had known him my whole life, I really didn't know him at all.

He was mentally, sexually, and physically abusive, never talked to me, never went anywhere with me, treated me as if I had some sort of plague or something. I asked him why he had married me, and his response was he didn't want to be alone anymore, and he thought he would be able to change me. You see, I have always been overweight my whole life, and he thought he would be able to make me into his prize by slimming me down.

A month after we were married he came home and told me we were moving back to his hometown because he would be able to change there. I agreed and we left. He didn't get any better, if anything he got worse. He was now surrounded by his friends and family, and I had no one. I went into a depression, and withdrew into myself. I quit my job because his sister was my boss, and lets just say she didn't know how to separate home from work. I found out I was pregnant. He was not happy because he had told me he didn't want any children. I ended up having a miscarriage, and sank further into a depressive state. He was of no support to me, and constantly told me that was life just get over it.

We ended up moving back to my hometown. By this time I had already lost my home I had bought when I was 20 years old. So we rented a house on a lease with option to buy. I thought everything was getting better, but as the comments continued, and the anger form him prevailed, i just kind of stayed in a state of depression. He had me believing i wasn't good for anyone or anything.

In June of 2001 I found out that I was pregnant again. This time the lord had given me a beautiful baby boy born on Feb 8, 2002. I now had a sense of hope, and something perfect in my life. I thought after the baby was born my husband would change, but I was mistaken. In May of 2002 he was getting worse, and after hearing for the tousandth time that he didn't love me, I asked him to move out. He went back to his hometown, and I filed for divorce. Three weeks before the divorce was final he called and begged me to come back. Like an idiot I did. I believed he had changed and that he loved me. It was about a week after I went back that I found out he had also had 4 affairs. He told me he would never do that again and that he had changed so much. I decided to try and make my marriage work so I stayed.

He was good for about the first month. Then it all started all over again. He ignored me and my son, made his nasty comments, started the abuse again. I tried to leave, but he prevented me from doing so. He got his family involved, and I was told that if I left, I would never see my son again. So, I stayed. I found out that I was pregnant again in Feb of 2003. I was scared to tell him but did. He was not happy at all. I again had a miscarriage, and went through it alone. I was fired fom my job for missing to much work, and in May, he came to me and told me we weren't good together, and that he didn't love me, and that he wanted to be happy, so he wanted me to get out.

So here I am, I have been served with divorce papers, and am now trying to keep my sanity. I have my good days and bad days. For some reason he still has some sort of hold over me. I don't know why, but I still love him. I should forget about him altogether because of what he has done to me, but it is very hard. I always believed in him, and always thought he would change. I did whatever he asked of me even if i didn't want to do it. I just don't know where I went wrong. I do however feel a sort of freedom. I am not scared anymore. I know that he won't be coming home to tell me what a looser I am all the time. And if the dishes aren't done I know I won't be in trouble for it. I am trying to start over and build up a good life for myself and my son.

Where to begin? After being married for 25 years my husband decided that he did not want to be married anymore-he wanted to be single again! We met in high school and dated 3 years and then got married, so together for 28 years, and now I am facing life in a whole new light. Wow! I though that we had had a pretty good life together and then to find out that it was not what he led me to believe. We really had it all or so I thought, and then 1 day a woman came along and it was gone! Oh we went through the we're "friends" stage and I knew that it was more than that, but he kept on telling me that he loved me and that nothing would change that. But things did change and things for me have been very difficult. Starting all over again after being with someone for that long has been very hard for me. I believed in waiting for the right person and then giving my total heart and soul to them, and now I am being thrown into this new life and I feel like a lost soul. I know that I will survive this like everyone else before me, but right now it is pretty tough. We had 2 kids together who thank God are both adults now, still it is hard on them as well-we were all that they knew. My daughter who is 23 was invloved in a very serious accident about 3 years ago, and she will never be the same, she is alive and that is the best thing, however she is not the same. They told us that they did not know if she would even survive, well she did and she is back 95% but just that little bit makes a difference. My husband could not deal then or now with what happened to our daughter, we I am just grateful to the good Lord for allowing her to still be here with me. She is such a blessing-people who meet her would never know that she was so close to heavens door if she did not tell them. Anyway so here I am and not sure what will happen next in my life-so if you are out there and you are having a hard time like I am just send me a note and maybe we can help each other.

I have been in the BL a few time & read the message board so I thought it was time to tell my story.

I have been with my stbx almost 15 years, married 10 last month. 2 children 11 & 8, seperated in Jan 2003 back together. Separated again in Aug 5, 2003 after I found my friend who had traveled 1200 miles to see me; hiding in the closet of his cousins apt at the end of our block. He had told me he had to go there to check the fridge for his cuz, was only there for 10 min when my daughter told me she was in town. I just knew in the pit of my stomach. She was supposed to come that eve. I found out later she had been here for 2 days. We moved here 2.5 years ago because I had some suspicions before & he always claimed innocence & so we moved to start over. He still claims nothing happened. I am sure nothing did during that 10 min but there was something ...........She snuck out of town the next day and has not contacted me except for one nasty e-mail about how this was all my fault & I was ruining a perfect marriage over my insane jelousy.

We had other issued physical, verbal, emotional abuse off & on thru our relationship. And in the past 2 years he had begun to drink heavily becoming sexually abusive during blackouts. I know in my head he is no good for me but that doen't make my heard ache any less. He is a great dad, although he is spending less time with the kids lately. He works, drinks & sleeps. I am watching him fall apart before my eyes & I long to save him but I know I can't. I've spent most of my life trying & I"ve only succeded in almost drowning myself. He is very supportive most of the time he tells me the kids & I are better off without him. But when he gets angry it gets messy. He came last week & got all of his stuff, I haven't filed yet. I am trying to work up the courage. I know I must it's the only place to go from here, but I have never been without him my entire adult life. I hope I find the strength here from others who have faced this and survived.

New here but learning alot. My story began 10 years ago when I met the love of my life. I will bring you all up to the present. Three months ago I was promoted to a new position at work that required extensive travle. During this time my best friend ( we have been friends since age nine) had returned from duty in Iraq and needed a place to stay. My wife and I had talked and she didn't want him to move in but I didn't listen to her. So the friend moved in. During the last two months I noticed they were a little to close but trusted them. (You know the thing that guys fail to give women) well anyways I trusted them that they wouldn't let anything happen. I came home for Christmas to see the family be with the kids. For two days we made love and felt good together. The day after Christmas I flew back to TN calling her at the airport you know the I will miss you while I am gone thing. Ok so now I am in a hotel in TN 2300 mles from home. The phone rings and its her. The first thing she says to me is "don't ever come home I am in love with him". So here I am living in the Hilton waiting to see if my life will end like this or is there light ahead. Because right now I would rather close my eyes and never open them again.

I've been married for 5 years this month. Together for 7 years. We have a 2 year old son and a 10 month daughter. He's been cheating with different women all our marriage, and now left me for a new women that he's been seeing for a few months now. He had a secret cell that I wasn't to know about, but found, takes out loans and would stay out all night till 4-5am and spent like $300 cash when he went out and not a dime in the wallet. Sounds like gambling or prostitutes, but I don't know and I really don't think I want to know the truth. Was on the computer in sex chatrooms and this is my first time on the computer chatting and in groups.

Hurts me cause he wants the divorce. We were separated 2 times before this, and I always missed him. This time, I don't even want to talk to him, he grosses me out. All I can think about is him with someone else and spends so much money on women, but can't buy his own kids diapers or food for the house unless I beg him. He's so awful and I know I'm better off, but it doesn't make the hurt go away. I so love being married and a family when I was happy. There was domestic violence too, and I know I'm better off, but boy does it hurt. I don't have any friends because of him, and no family here. Maybe I can meet some friends here to help me through this time.

Thanks for reading my story.

hello. my name is jennie and i am a divorcee. (hello, jennie! lol) i came from a brokenhome and i had been sexually abused when i was eleven. when i met my husband, i was seventeen. he was the nicest boy i had ever met, and my very first boyfriend. he took me to dinner, bought me flowers, took me to the movies, introduced me to his parents, and promised he would take care of me. when i asked him why he was so nice to me, he said it was because i had suffered enough. our relationship went fast. i met him in june, and loved him by july.(hello, stupid, WARNING SIGN). he said he was going to marry me and i said he was stupid. so, time went on.

later, we got really close and spent most of our free time together, when my mother didn't know of course. we became sexually intimate when i was nineteen. (he is exactly the same age, by the way) one day, when i was at the library, he met me the on his bike. later that afternoon he discovered his bike had gotten stolen from there and went into a rage (another warning sign). i told him i was sorry and felt it was my fault his bike had gotten stolen because i had asked him to meet me at the library.

we got married when i was 20, he was still nineteen. it was lovely, but i don't remember the wedding. i didn't want to get married, but had to because he said he considered us married since we had had sex together. so, i married the guy. then, nine months later, i had our first daughter. during that nine months, he yelled at me, insulted me, pushed me, hit me, and did everything to punish me for being moody and sick during the pregnancy. (more warning signs) when the baby was born, he didn't pay attention to her, yelled at her for crying, and went along his miiltary life. one day, when he came to pick me up after work, there were some woman's undergarments spread out all over the back dash of the car. when i questioned him about this he said he had given his friend a ride back to the barracks and that she had done her laundry and didn't have a place to dry them. i suggested we take them back to her place, but he said he would the next day. i said, 'ok'.

fifteen months later, i got pregnant with my second daughter. this man became the man of my dreams. he would cook for me, carry the older baby, change her, draw me a bath, massage my back, everything. he doted on me so much i had to tell him i wasn't paralyzed, just pregnant. the pregnancy was wonderful. when that baby was four months old she was teething horribly and would cry and cry. he threw me out at three o'clock in the morning into the cold because the damn baby wouldn't let him sleep. so, i took her outside. many times he would get home from work and kick down the baby gate (Iwhile the baby was behind it), throw the baby's toys (while they were watching) and rant and rave about what a horrible day he had had at work. so, i would put the babies in their room so daddy could have it quiet.

i could go on and on. every time i would misbehave he threatened me with divorce. i would beg him please not to leave me because i loved him so much. he would say i made him get mad, i made him throw and break things, and that i should not take his outbursts personally. i asked him one day why he threatened me with divorce and he said because it was what he knew i was afraid of.

later, my third daughter came along. when i was first pregnant, he rejoiced and jumped up and down. later on, when i got bigger, he wouldn't touch me, kiss me or make love to me. i found out he was having an affair during that time. he denied it. i fell one day and he just stood there looking down at me asking me if i was ok but not offering to help me.

his episodes of anger and getting happy went on and on. i thought it was because of me and then the rape came back to my mind now and then. i went to counseling, which taught me to stand up for myself and to value myself. this also taught me that i didn't have to put up with what my husband was doing. i got him into counseling and he seemed to be doing well. then, i found out he was having an affair with one of my best friends who would come over, sing with me in church and watch my children. i had it. then, his episodes of outrage were happening more frequently and were getting worse. his mother told me to do what he said and keep my mouth shut. if i took care of him and behaved, i would have a happy marriage. wrong.

i asked him to move out in april of 2003. he did and two days later his mother made me take him back. he stayed until september. he has been out since. i filed for divorce but he refuses to sign. i met a nice man and my ex has threatened to kill him, voicing this to me and to our children.

now, he pretty much leaves me alone because i took out a protective order against him. i am having a difficult time though with living for myself. living for my kids has always been easy. i got a new job, but i don't know what to do with the money i am going to be earning, or what i want to do to have fun. i spent six teen years with my ex. three dating and thirteen being married. i wish i had gotten out sooner. i wish i hadn't waited so long.

I was just divorced 6 months ago and was married for 20 years. My husband had an affair. He lives with her now. They worked together, and I know her. She has had several affairs -- no kidding. I am sure it is not her last. I have gone through a lot. I was separted for 3 years before filing for divorce. He still contacts me -- he says he wants to be friends. I am trying to go on with my life, but I am finding it hard to be alone. We were together 3 years before marrying, and I thought we had a good marriage. I was recovering from 2 back surgeries when he began his affair. I need to meet new people and learn to live again. I was a total basket case and at times I go back to that. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him. He and my children were my life. I had to sell my home and just moved into an apartment. I hope that this group gives me comfort and understanding. Maybe, I can also give someone else the same. I am a fun-loving person! I lost that for the last 4 years and hope to find it again. I am getting there. Thanks, for listening!

I don't know how to tell this story. I have been divorced less than a year. IHATE it! Like most people we...at least I thougt it was forever. I think the same things that made him fall in love with me are the things he hated about me at the end. All I ever wanted was to feel love and give love. God, I hope this gets easier.

...I never thought I'd be sharing my story like this...but here goes. I am 25 and recentlymy husband and I have decided to get divorced. We starting dating in high school at 17 and got married in 2001. I don't regret one second of my life with him and couldn't have asked for a better person to grow up with. The past year of our marriage has been difficult as I began to realize that he and I seem to be at different places in our lives. I was looking to settle down and start to be responsible, wanting to plan for a family. He on the other hand seemed to become more irresponsible and immature each day. Not caring about finances, partying til 2am during the work week, not acting like a husband. I guess I had it in my head that his behavior was something he'd grow out of. But, it seemed the more I talked about our future the more he withdrew from our marriage. Don't get me wrong, he loved me, wasn't messing around on me and we still had a blast together but I knew that our life together wasn't moving in the right direction. Something just wasn't right. In my heart I wondered if he simply wasn't ready to be married. He went from living with his parents to moving in with me. I've been on my own since I was 18 and have always taken care of everything for him. He never got the chance to make his own decisions, mistakes or to just be a guy living on his own to gain some life experience. Maybe the marriage, a mortgage, responsiblility of being a husband was just too much for him. I just wanted him to be happy even if that meant not being with me. I confronted him and at first he denied that we had any problems, his drinking and partying was no big deal, that I was the one who had changed. We separated for about two months while we talked and worked on things, we even went to counseling. When the time came for me to move home so we could apply the things we were learning in counseling...he acted like he didn't want me to move back in. He finally admitted that he still loved me, but just wasn't ready to be married. We both realized that in order for him to grow into the man I needed...he would need to be on his own. It's all about timing and how much people grow and change in their 20's. You know, 5 years from now he could totally be ready...but I guess some other lucky girl will get the chance to make him happy then. It's so sad because were not angry at each other. Neither of us cheated or hurt the other person, it truly just didn't work out the way we had planned. How do you say goodbye to the man that you love when he still loves you? It seems so unfair and cruel. Anyway, that is my story. We are in the process of getting the divorce, separating our belongings, all that fun stuff. I wake up every morning and just feel numb. Am I alone in feeling this way?

Met my husband on the interent. He found me on AOL IM. We started chatting. I had no interest in another interent relationship. I had done many of those. Plus he had a child from a pervious relationship and weighed close to 600lbs. I put my worst foot forward saying all the wrong things. Being completley opposite of him on purpose. He kept chatting and we got closer. finally we met and within a few months we were engaged. Got married Feb of 2002. He filed for divorced in Sept of 2004. Within that time he had been laid off and had the gastic by pass surgery losing 340 lbs in the first year. He started his own company and worked long hour for almost no pay. I supported the family while caring for him. By June of 2004 I was pushed to my limit and needed a break. He wouldn't give me a break. He just kept pushing cause he was going through his own stuff. I just snapped. I'm 26 and I never felt like my life would be the way it was. He doesnt' share my ideals and our opinion on child raising is completely different. We have no kids thankfully. I quit working on our relationship and stayed that way for a few months. He fell out of love with my I guess in that time and started talking divorce. MY family hates divorce. No one is divorced. I might as well murder someone because that is the same as divorce. I haven't told them I am in the process of divorce. Infact I haven't told really anyone just one friend and one co worker. It kills me inside because I know you shoudn;t give up. I'm so miserable though. Sometime I just wish I was dead. That would make everything better. I wouldn't have to face anything. I've felt stuck for so long. Every path I take seems like the wrong one. I want to make the marriage work because you just shouldn't give up after two years! You just can't. It seems wrong. But he doesn't want me back. I've begged. We still live together. he still treats me likehis wife mostly except for chatting with girls and going on dates. I just can't live like this. I dont know what to do or how to do it!

How do i say it? 24 years of marriage. I devoted myself to home, children, work. He changed from happy man, to bitter, drinking, pot. Slowly and surely over the years, although he said he loved me, there was really no physical affection. In times of trouble, yes, but no hugs, no embraces, no kisses. Only anger, and walking on eggshells. Dont object. Dont disagree, there will be a fight. He said it was to dull the physical pain he's been in, but there were so many 3 day binges, to where, oh, well, dont feel good enough to go to work on Monday, cuz, drank all weekend, but dont tell wife that, just tell her just hurt too much, then when she's at work, find some god awful reason to kick your son out of the house, call your daughter a psychotic bitch. And, remember, when wife gets home, remind her that she has no reason to disagree, and that he didnt do ANYTHING, it's the kids and THEIR attitudes, and FUCK you. Had enough. Didnt know it until recently but the kids videoed one of our "fights" where i was begging him to stop, stop drinking, you're not in your right mind. Below the belt words, cut like a knife for years. Got to where i would warn the kids, dont get your dad pissed off, dont poke the bear. Lost his job after I told him i would be leaving and filing for divorce. Blames it on me, and yet, many, many mornings i would say to him..... you cant talk to the people at the office like you talk to me..you have to consider your words first..the 2 girls at the office complained about him...they let him go after 14 years. I met someone, and he blames our ruined marriage on him. I had to leave, i never knew what i was going to face when i came home. They were bad, i was bullied and bullied some more. I wanted him to leave, he would not. I had to. And now, 1 year later, I refinanced the house, his unemployment has run out, all the bills are up to me. I warned him 2 months ago. I paid off a lot of bills, and his car, i have one more house payment left, our agreement was the house would not be lost, my kids live there. He wont leave, and if he doesnt get income soon, the house will go, my dream, my beautiful little house. The kids were the recipients of his anger and bullying, without me being there to stand between, and now my daughter knows why i left. But I miss seeing them everyday. He sees them, and only complains. I cherish them for who they are and miss them greatly. I stay in contact, and everytime i visit the house, my heart breaks. I dont know where it will go from here. I filed for divorce last december, and have held off final until he at least gets an income. He says he will never have another relationship with a woman. I say he will be damn lucky should one come along. He was a good man in the beginning, happy, generous, good daddy to his babies. Maybe he still is, I dont know. I wont go back to the bullying. Im done with it, he never even listened when i screamed at him over the years what he was doing. And yet, he said it was MY responsiblity to try to make him stop. I believe I did that. Now he is even more bitter and angry. But, has promised the kids, he will stop drinking as of 1 week ago. Ive seen it before. I had one sober year with him out of 24. Was the best year of our marriage. I toldl him so. Didnt mean a thing.

that's it for now i guess.

thanks for listening

I am here after much searching for a place to find people to talk to. I am going through a divorce. This has to be byfar the worst time of my life. It was like waking up and hitting your head on the ceiling. My marriage has always been rough. Yet, I've stuck it out because of my faith. Now, even my faith can't hold things together. I'm sad, lonely, and just searching for advice and fellowship with others who have been where I am now.

I know God has a purpose for me in this world. I don't know all I am to do but some times I just want to scream WHAT DID I DO SO WRONG? I'm not perfect by far. I think I just strayed from his teachings and got exactly what I asked for.....(sigh) Not that he's been punishing me all these years. If nothing else, he's been calling me to him. I'm finally answering but I'm pretty banged up.

So, if you are reading this, please feel free to post your story as well. There are so many of us hurting out there. I'm hoping this site proves to be a place where we can find peace, understanding, and unconditional favor.

Thanks for reading. :)

I just recently ended my relationship with the greatest woman who ever loved me. We have two children together, but never married. I was attending college full time and working full time to pay the bills and provide for my children until the beginning of December 04. My life started to fall apart. My love started to look for new opportunities on the internet. She found her opportunity. I knew something was amiss, and learned of her new life she had created and hid from me. When I heard it from her, we talked, and initially agreed to see a counselor, but she told me she still intended to see her new man, so I decided it would be best if we just called it off, because dating another man is no way to repair a relationship that you want to be in. Problem now is I still live with the love of my life, as neither of us can afford to secure new residence at this time. I still love her. There's something about the love that grew inside me for the woman who I loved and who loved me and bore my children that just won't die. Now I have let her go in the hopes that one day her heart will return to me, but I know that it's nearly impossible. So for now I'm trying to get through each day, taking care of my children, and seeing what else the future brings.

Hi I am T aka Blondeeee .. I lived in Florida till Sept 03 then I moved to Oregon . I left my now X husband Sept 03 . Our kids had gone away for the summer and we spent the summer doing all the things we would of never done with our kids around . It was fun and kinda wild.. By the time our kids had returned home my x told me that he wasn't happy and hadnt been for years after three months earlier telling me he was the happiest he had been in years .. We had a rough relationship through the 13 years of our marriage it wasnt perfect by any means .. But I loved and supported him through alot of things I didnt like or want to do.. I was a stay at home mom with two kids one his from his first marriage and one ours, our son which lives with me here in Oregon. I had a nice life a nice house nice car nice stuff .. When my x told me he wasnt happy it broke my heart and I guess I got tired of trying .. I spent my life doing everything for him and our kids but mainly him.. I just didnt understand how he could not be happy .. So I called my parents and told them what was going on my brother flew out three days later and helped me drive myself and my son back to Oregon.. I left within a week , I guess I figured after 13 years of marriage if he wasnt happy now he would never be happy and there wasnt much else I could do to try to make him happy . We had sex about everyday and I like it .. I cooked I cleaned our kids got straight A's I was always there for him .. All and all I dont know what I did wrong . Yes I do have a few issues my weight being one and I am just happy being me I dont need alot of money or a big career to make me happy.

At any rate I left we divorced , I got a small place near my parents and a job that pays the bills . I take care of me and my son fine I have no debt at all .. But I miss being married and I have to say I dont think I was meant to be alone ..

As for my x he has moved on has a new live in gf with two kids and a new bigger nice home and nicer stuff .. He was always about keeping up with the jones's I wasnt . We were different and you cant be happy with someone else unless your happy with yourself and I think that is what broke our marriage up .. He couldnt be happy with what he had always wanted more ..

He wouldnt try to fix our marriage and I just didnt know what else to do ..

My wife of three years left me because I am geting custody of my three girls from a previous marriage. She said pick me or the kids. She said she could not live with childern because I would never have time for her and she deserved to be #1. Well she has been gone now for 2 weeks.

. In 1996 I was driving a semi for a living (yes a female trucker attractive huh) and I met him at a customer. We worked for the same company and we were both going to the same place so we fallowed eachother from Pueblo Co. to Tucson. The next day I quit my job and started riding with him. We were married January 1997. After 5 years on the road with him I decided I wanted my family life back and my freedom to do what I wanted so I got a job at home and he continued on the road. Everything was fine he'd come home every few weeks but we never did anything together as a couple. He was always with his father and I was working. Well eventually the time apart got longer and longer. He'd tell me he was staying out longer to make us more money as our finances were pretty shot. I never questioned it even though I didn't see more money coming in. June of last year I told him I wanted a divorce. I hadn't seen him in 3 months and he called maybe 3 times in 3 months. So he pretended to be devistated and layed the guilt on me which I took because it was my idea. He told my parents he was rushing right home to talk me out of it. Never saw him. Dec 28th he filed the papers. Now after all this time of not seeing him I and everyone else I know started thinking maybe he had something going on out there on the road. Well early in January he came to my house and we sat and talked and he layed one heavy guilt trip and I said we could work it out. So he moved back in. Well a while back he some how got a cell phone so one day I was looking at it and a text message popped up saying I love you and I sure as heck didn't send it. So curious me got on the computer and I got into his email. I found emails from a woman sent the 2 weeks he was home. Saying she loved him, missed him and didn't understand why he wouldn't contact her. So I logged myself onto his messenger and talked to this woman. I found out she'd been living with him for 18 months on the road. He told her lie after lie which I told her the truth about. He said some horrid things about me and his family. He told her his parents were dead so I cleared that up and gave her his parents phone number and toild her he was over there and to call him. That day he was out of my house and out of my life.

I was married to my ex-husband for 11 years. We met through some friends and he took 18 months to contact me after our first meeting. I still remember the summer night he called me for the first time. I was so excited that he called me. I really liked him. We dated for about six months and got engaged on Super Bowl weekend 1993. My ex is a big football fan. We were married in October of that year. I still remember my dad asking me as he walked me down the aisle if I was certain about this choice. I told him 1000%. I felt that my ex and I were meant to be together for the rest of our lives. Well the next ten years went by. We were able to finish our college educations, buy a house and hopefully start a family. Well the starting family part was harder than we thought. We found out about six years after we were married that I couldn't have children. My ex seemed to be fine with this. We both agreed on adoption. Went to classes through children's services in our state and signed up to do everything, but ex kept backing out when the time came. Decided to seek out private adoption. Paid a good attorney to start the proceedings and then 2003 came along. Like so many of you have said, my ex did not want participate with anything for me anymore. He said I could take friends. Studpidly, I wanted to take him. I couldn't understand it. In 2003, ex became much more distant and seemed to become a recluse. In Dec. 2003, pushed me down and I remember thinking what is wrong with you? He got upset because we were supposed to go to a party and he did not want to go. He had never done that before. In January 2004- ex told me that he did not want to married to me anymore. He was entitled to having his own children and deserved them. I wasn't the complete package anymore. I felt like an old shoe that gets replaced because the buyer doesn't like them anymore. Well for someone who wanted kids so badly, it was like taking a knife and putting it into my heart several times. I did not see this coming! I guess I thought that you married someone for better or worse. I guess I was dead wrong!! Anyway, ex filed for divorce in May of 2004, and we signed the final paperwork in January 2005. I can't believe how different my life is now. I now live in a completely different area, have a great roomate, go to church and am working at developing wonderful friendships with both men and women. Thanks to you at Divorce Care and Support for making this past year more livable for me. So many of you ha ve helped me through some tough times. As I look at my next momentous birthday, I can't wait to see what will happen to Sweet Purple Wench. Thanks for reading my story. I hope it inspires you.

I am not sure if I should even be telling my story yet. See, we are not

divorced yet due to our custody battle. I would really like to talk ( chat ) with

others in my situation but I have to be very careful in what I reveal. I am not

normally a paranoid person, but my husband's attornies are famous for

Today is my first day to even look into this type of support and I have never been in a chat room. My goal is to chat since I don't want to reveal too much info to too many readers. I would like