You Know You're a Parent when...

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they are equal

You plot to get even with the kid who broke your child's toy and  made him cry

You can remove chewing gum from just about anything

You hide in the bathroom to be alone

Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you can keep eating

You believe finger paints should be a controlled substance

You read "Once Upon A Potty" out loud in a crowded waiting room

You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats

You tell your child that TOYS R US is a toy museum, not a store

You find yourself cutting all sandwiches into unusual shapes

You fast-forward the VCR through the scene where Bambi's mother gets killed

You become a member of three aquariums because your kid loves sharks

You obssess when your child clings to you during the first week of school

You obsess again as they skip away without looking back the second week

You can't bear to give away baby clothes

You hear your mom's voice coming out of your mouth: "Not in your good clothes"

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you

You donate to charity in the hope that your child won't get that disease

When you read that a 5-year-old asks 437 questions a day, you feel your kid is above average