| 1. Postman A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to GOD. The postman, seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it. It was from a man who was down on his luck, and was asking God for help. The letter asked for $50 to get his family through the next week. The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow. The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars from the brethren. The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did. Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to GOD. Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send any future funds through the Knights of Columbus, as the Masons had kept half.
2. Doctor and Plumber A Doctor and Plumber are in the same Lodge. On Sunday Morning the Doctor wakes up to find his toilet blocked. So he rings the Plumber. "But I do not work Sundays! Can't it wait until tomorrow." The Doctor said. "I do not like working Sundays either but if you were in trouble, and felt unwell, Brother I would come round to see you" "Ok" says the Plumber and goes round to the Doctor. Goes upstairs and looks at the toilet, take two asprins from his pocket and throws them down the bowel. "There" he says "If it's no better tomorrow give me a ring and I will call round."
3. Recreation ground secret A man is walking through the recreation ground of his local park when he notices a huge fight in full fury on the football pitch he is passing. "What's going on?" he asks a spectator watching from the side-lines. The other replies "It's a match between the Masons and the Knights of St Columba." "What's the score?" asks the first man. "I don't know, it's a secret."
4. Tyled Room Whilst visiting a newly initiated brother at home one day, his wife took me to one side and said her husband had started behaving very strange since joining. I enquired in what way? He locks himself in the toilet for hours on end mumbling to himself with his little blue book. As the evening proceeded I turned the talk to lodge, and asked him how he was getting on. Oh fine was his reply. I asked him about his behaviour and was there any thing wrong No was his reply. So why read the book there? Well he said "Its the only TYLED room in the house"....
5. Tired Visitors toast A tired old mason whose hair was grey, Came to the gates of Heaven one day, When asked, what on earth he had done the most, He said he had replied to the Visitors Toast, St Peter said as he tolled the Bell, Come inside my Brother you've had enough of Hell.
6. Jewish Family It seems a Jewish family had rented an apartment that sat directly under the Masonic Temple, and at least once a month they would always hear this stomping from above. One day Izzy told his wife he was going to drill a hole in the ceiling and see what those Masons were up to. After doing so, one evening he heard some stomping coming from above, so he got his ladder, climbed up and decided to take a peek. After a few moments, he flew down the ladder and ran in and told his wife to pack all their belongs and "Let's get out of here and fast !!!" When she asked why, Izzy told her that he was just peeking in on the Masons above and saw them kill a man and said they were going to blame it on the 'JEW-BELOW'.
7. Freewheel and a cord A Candidate for initiation was to be picked up and driven to the Lodge, but before this could happen the car broke down. The Candidate said as no great distance was involved he would go on his bicycle. Just when he reached the top of the hill his chain broke. As the Lodge was at the bottom of the other side and all he needed was a back-pedal brake, so he repaired the chain with a cord he had in his pocket and free-wheeled downhill to the Lodge. Later that evening in reply to a toast in his honour, he said how proud he was to be a Freemason but could not understand, as he had told no one, how the WM knew that he had come on his own free wheel and a cord.
8. Masonic Stockings? Bro John and Bro Mike are getting dressed and ready for a lodge meeting. When John takes his apron out of the case, Mike notices a pair of silk stockings unrolling and hanging out of the case. Mike asks: *I say, John, what's this with the ladies stuff ?* John gives a quick look and whispers: *You remember the installation meeting last year ?* Mike acknowledges and John goes on: *Keep it a secret, but on the way home I stopped at the pub on where I met this lovely female. Apparently she lost her stockings in my car, and my wife found them. I told her I was passed to a higher degree, and ever since she takes 'm out of the case washes them and puts them back in with my gloves !*
9. Masonic Blooper WM: Bro SW, the labours of the evening being ended, you have my command to close the L * SW: Brn, in the name of ... (looks confused and mumbles ) Good God what's his name again ...
10. Masonic Lecture There's a man, walking down the street at 1 in the morning and he's very drunk. A policeman stops him and asks: Where are you going in that condition? Man: I'm on my way to a lecture on Freemasonry. Officer: Where can you possibly get a lecture on Freemasonry at this time of night? Man: From my wife, when I get home! |
