| A teenage boy, who was the son of a minister, had just gotten his first driving permit. He came to his father soon after and asked if could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you, son. You study hard this month, bring your grades up, study your Bible, and get your hair cut, then you ask me again in a month and we'll talk about letting you use the car." A month later, the boy brought his report card to his father and asked if they could discuss letting him use the car now. His father looked him over and said, "Son, I'm right proud of you. You have brought your grades up, and I've seen you reading your Bible every night... but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man looked at his father and replied, "Well, dad, I've been thinking about that. I've learned a lot of things from the Bible. And I read in there about how Samson had long hair, and Moses had long hair, and Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." "Yes, they did, son," his father replied, "And if you read on a little further you'll find out that they WALKED everywhere they went!" It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was, that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really awful day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12.01p.m., the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, said to the man, "Before I can let you in, you have to tell me what was happening in your life the day on which you died." "No problem" the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment during my lunch hour and found my wife half- naked. I thought she was having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. Immediately, I began searching for him. My wife was shouting at me as I searched the apartment. Just as I was going to give up the search, I looked out onto the balcony and saw that there was a man hanging over the edge by his fingertips! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and jumped on his finger until he fell to the ground. But he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die! I was so mad that I went back inside to fetch something that I could throw at him. Strangely, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. So I unplugged it, pushed it to the balcony and tipped it over the side. It fell the 25 storeys and crushed the man. Unfortunately all this excitement was too much and I had a heart attack and died instantly!!" The Angel sat and thought for a moment. Technically, the man did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So he announced "Okay, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. A few seconds later the next person came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you enter I need to know what was happening to you on the day you died." "No problem" said the second man. "But you are not going to believe this!! I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I think that I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But suddenly this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, swears at me, and jumps on my fingers!. Well, I fell and just before I hit the ground, I landed in some trees or bushes which broke my fall. But I didn't die immediately. As I am lying there, looking up, unable to move, and in great pain, I notice the crazy man push his REFRIGERATOR off the balcony. It falls 25 floors and lands on top of me - killing me instantly!" The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I think I like this new policy" he says to himself. "Okay," say the Angel to the second man. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven." and he lets the man enter. A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gates. The Angel says "Please tell me how you died." The third man says "You will never believe this. So there I was, naked, hiding inside a refrigerator................" Dear Billy joe Bob, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for fourdays. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning,but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. Love Your favorite aunt |
