Living with PTSD - Vietnam Wives

My husband and I have been together for over 19 years now, although it took us 10 years to finally marry.

LOL

My husband Jerry was in Vietnam in 1966. 5th infantry/25th infantry-light weapons infantry. He had joined the Army in 1963 and his whole division was sent from Hawaii to Vietnam. He was wounded and lost many friends. It should have been pretty clear that he always had PTSD, but they had no name for it. They called it panic attacks and things when he would show up at the VA thinking he was crazy. In 1989, it was finally given a name...severe PTSD. Since then, he has been in and out of treatment. Some that was very sucessful, some that didn't help at all. Recently, having been out of good treatment for several years, he had a huge setback when his mother passed away, so I have been back to trying to deal with the severest of his PTSD until his new treatment has a chance to help again. He is doing better and better.

As for me, I am a bit younger than Jerry...41 and 3 days as I type this...LOL. We have no children, but are now ready to give up and try adoption. We own a Video store (which I am so sick of I could scream...LOL) and that is what I have been doing for the last 19 years. I never finished college and I hope to go back and start again within a year or so. He is 100% P & T disabled now, so they will pay for me to finish my education. We live in the middle of a woodland about 1 and 1/2 hour commute to our store in the Twin Cities, but it is worth it because I love it! About 1/2 mile to the nearest neighbor, so my neighbors are deer, woodpeckers and misc woodland critters...

Also...I have a weakness for needy stray animals. The current count in my house is 5 dogs and 2 cats. They are my babies and these were the ones that we couldn't find homes for. (I often say that all the living creatures in my home have known some trauma and are a bit nuts...LOL.) I would also love to have some horses, chickens, etc...but it is so wooded here, there is no pasture area and lots of predators too. Maybe someday... So...I am a big time animal and nature lover. Otherwise, I would say... my spirituality is very important to me, I tend to be too opinionated especially about politics (I only rant on political websites though...LOL), love to learn new things, old movies, good books, watching a sunset over the trees or the stars in these clear country skies. (in other words...I am quite boring...lol) Right now...the most important things too me are learning better stress management and not losing hope. And...I went through my own therapy too several years ago. It helped me and the marriage a great deal. Helped me better understand Jerry by better understanding myself...if that makes sense. It is so much easier to see that the symptoms of his PTSD may truly have nothing to do with me when I faced how many of my own issues had nothing to do with him. Certainly...not meaning to imply that I just have it so all together now...HA! LOL Just one day at a time....

Hi all, I'm Ina 43 and married to Bob, ex english veteran, he served in Northern Ireland, Germany and Malaya. We've been married 20 years but together for 26, took him 6 years to ask the question now I wonder why I gave him an ultimatum? No really he's ok,most of the time LOL.

As you can see I like to paint, the painting above is about Australian Bush animals, I paint mainly for recreation not for money, which is a problem as I have a house full of stuff and no more room on the walls !

We have a 16 year old son, two pets and have retired since 1998 because of Bob's health. We live a very quiet

ahum, life on the beach, and I'm so gratefull for finding this club and all the lovely people in it!

I was born in Pennsylvania in 1949 but have lived in Tucson,Arizona for most of my life. I married my vet 22 years ago. We have 3 kids (my son is 34, his son is 26, our daughter is 21) and 3 grandsons, ages 6, 8 & 11. We are retired, courtesy of the Veterans Administration! LOL!

My husband was stationed in the Quang Nam Province, Hill 10, in 1968-69, 1st Marines, 7th Regiment, a mortarman. We were unaware that PTSD was in charge of our life until about seven years ago. As is often the case, it got much worse until December 2001 when he completed this new program the VA has developed called Evaluation and Brief Treatment Unit. It�s actually three weeks with him away from home so it�s not all that brief. We really think they have a winner here and I hope they will soon offer the program all across the country. At present, about half the guys come from other states and half from Southern Arizona.

My lifelong passion in gardening has become difficult now that I have fibromyalgia. We sold our home in 2000 due to financial stresses and I find it hard to garner much interest in gardening projects in a rental home. We live in the desert so traditional gardening is much more difficult here and takes a lot of work. I have to choose carefully what I am willing to risk in the way of pain when the results will actually belong to the landowner!

My husband was in the EBTU Program in December 2001 and I am still working at understanding PTSD and how to deal with it. It�s my new hobby, I guess.

Michael and I are dedicated to our marriage and PTSD is dedicated to us!

My name is Jill . I am one of the Australian wives here on this site.

My mum is 85 years young .

I have been married once before, (not Army), we had two boys, who are now age 27 & 22. I have one granddaughter from my 22 year old, who will turn 4 on the 11 th February, a day before my birthday.My husband has 3 children from a previous marriage, DH has 6 grandchildren from his children plus we sort of adopted 2grandchildren and of course including Georgia.with her being the youngest. ....a grand total of 9..

Phil and I have been married for 14 years together 15 years all up.

Phillip was a full time soldier (infantry) for the Australian Army and served in Vietnam from 17/5/70 to 1/6/71. Phil was based at Nui Dat and was in Phouc Tui Providence while in Viet Nam. Some of his units were: 2RAR (Vietnam); 2/4RAR; 6RAR. He retired after 22 years of service.

Phil was diagnosed with PTSD 6 years ago, I call this the "UGLY HEAD"

......and was granted by our Department of Veteran's Affairs 100% PTSD along with Psychoactive substance abuse and Dysthymic Disorder in July 1997.

And, yes, we do have ups and downs......like the most of us.

A huge thank you.

for accepting me into Living with PTSD......I feel we (us wives) do deserve a pat on the back....(pat,pat..lol) u have to have ur sense of humour....

I was born in Oregon 11Mins after my twin brother in1956. My childhood was normal, until I was 14yrs, Another story, Married my frist husband at15yrs not good,annuled in 3months.One month later right out of Vietnam,comes my VET (GARY).He was in nam for 18 months 1969-1971 .....He was with the 11th Aviation, 11th Pathfinders (airborne) ,1st Cav.on L.Z. Caroline, L.Z.- IKE both over ran by N.V.A. 1969, L.Z.Barbara,L.Z.David. He was based in Tay Ninh, Ben Hoa, Phouc Bin, Cambodia 1970 L.Z.-David ,Black Virgin Mountian, The Brush, We met and fell in love frist site!!!! What a feeling that was. Wish I new where the spark went? We married the following march. 6months late he reups back into Army.We spent the next4years traveling, Italy, Germany, North Carolina,When we where finely out of the army.We settled down to have a family,Ha ! Ha! thats when the drinking & drugs got in the way.I had our frist son when I turned 21, I had second son when I turned 26. I got staph infection after c-section, No more kids they took out everything!!

Life was really rocky for awhile.Gary stopped drinking in 1986. Went on to drugs ,I raised the boys with out a father the rest of there childhood! Gary stoped drugs in 1988, PTSD came out then. Local Dr wanted to put him in nut house.

I took him to VA hospital: There they told me he had PTSD.

The rest is all history from there,Hospital stays,suicide attemps,Now he gose to PTSD group meetings every week.

As for the rest of my life, Loving him threw thick & thin.

Don't get me wrong Ive thought about walking, But love,fear of him not being able to live without me. Or me without him.

Our life centers around PTSD, Diabetes, Hope your still awake! I"ll finish this with my hobbie list. Cerimics,dogs ,Camping ,rockhunting,

Hi! My name is Kate. I was born and raised in South Dakota and have never been very far from her boarders. I was married before and had two toddlers Ages 1 and 2, when Hubby decided he wasn't ready to be tied down. Anyway I raised Brittney and Dusten alone and put myself through nursing school. When the kids were 9 and 10 I met my hero. Terry was also from S.D. and served his tour in Nam in 71. He was stationed by Cam Rahn Bay and Da Nang. Our troups were pulling out by then, the marines were gone and our boys were really outnumbered. They were being over run almost every night so he saw lots of action. He has one purple heart from an ambush where shrapnal caught him in the head and another from being blown up in an ammo dump for 13 hours. ( The brass had him down as KIA.) He came home and went to seminary and started his own family. When his daughters were 5 and 8 his wife took the kids and left him. She said he scared her sometimes and would be too embarrassed to go through therapy. He stopped preaching after losing his

family. We knew each other about a year before we got married. We have two daughters now, Kaylee is 8 and Gabrielle is 6. He was rated 30% for PTSD when I met him but five years ago it increased to 100%, For the past four years I have needed to stay home with him as his physical injuries combined with emotional makes it impossible for him to be left alone. This summer has been especially hard on him. I think he is finally feeling safe enough to let himself feel again and he cries (something he hasn't done in decades) so easily and with such deep pain that can not be comforted. Life is tough when you live with a combat vet, but when I think what life was like for him in Nam......loving him is pretty easy (living with him is frequently stressful though). It is difficult helping the girls understand his anger and forgetfulness, and tears and why he can't be like the other daddys. Thanks for giving me a place to finally have a friend again.

I am 55 years old. I am fairly new to PTSD. My 1st and only true love, my SO, was in VietNam in 1967-69. Michael, is 56 years old and was with the 4th division...he was a door gunner on the helicopters. His helicopter was shot down 8 times during his tour of duty. He is very proud of the fact that he was a good soldier. He is rated 70% PTSD but is 100% disabled.

Mike and I are both originally from Louisiana....Mike from New Orleans and I'm from Lafayette.I an considered a "Cajun". I have two sons by my first marriage of 20 years. My second husband, James, is totally disabled due to a series of strokes. I am and I have been his caregiver for 8 years....he can't even say my name.. I have 2 grandsons and 4 step-grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren.

Mike and I were teenage sweethearts. His aunt married my father making us step-first cousins but they divorced many years ago. We were engaged to be married in '65-'66. We broke up just before I graduated. I went my way and married a classmate. Mike went to war, volunteered!

We saw each other periodically but never shared our continued feeling for each other...Mike married in '69. I raised my family and he raised his family. His wife died 10 years ago. About a year and a half ago, Mike emailed me.....we started corresponding and the old embers started to burn bright again. Six months later he moved from Los Angeles, CA to Atlanta to live with me.

Our road has been rocky with the PTSD that he brought to the relationship. I was totally ignorant about what PTSD is and the havoc that it produces. I thought it was something like a flesh wound that healed! I had no idea that it is a devasting illness that remains part of the Vet for the rest of his life and will also be part of the relationship forever!

Mike was a high school dropout when he went into the Army. He has completed his education including college. He has been in therapy for years and has worked very hard on himself. He is a very kind, loving person. He struggles to control the PTSD every minute of his life and on the whole he does a very good job. The first 3 months that Mike was here were the best times I ever had in my whole life and then the signs started to appear....the sullen days...the nightmares...insomnia.....the control....the "never" wrong attitude and the its all "my" fault reasoning. I was hurt, angry and so confused! I was up one night surfing around for info on PTSD and stumbled onto this group....I sure needed some help.Mike battled being an alcoholic for 20 years and has been sober for 20 years. Now we are battling an addiction to Gambling! After a few days of reading the posts, I felt elated to have found other women that felt the same feelings that I had! I really hadn't lost my mind...it was Mike's PTSD! That night I found the site was the best loss of sleep I have ever had!

Mike and I are soulmates...we even make our hamburgers exactly the same way! Mike loves to Bass fish and I love fishing...any type will do and I am even content to not catch anything. Mike is a movie buff so we see most all of the new releases. Mike met quite a few movie stars while living so close to Hollywood.

I used to love to work in the yard but my health prohibits that most of the time. Since I am caring for my 79 year old husband, we seldom have the opprotunity to go out very much.

I love my cats....have 6 right now...they are mousers and stay outside...they sleep in the garage. I also have a little 4# Chihauhau, Missy, that I have had for 4 years. She is totally devoted to me and has helped me through some very rough times. She sleeps with me under the covers.

Mike and I are devoted to living the rest of our lives together. With the help and support of the Ladies on this board, will make my job of standing with and for my man so much easier. Thank you Ladies for giving me my sanity back!

With extreme regret, my Vet, Mike, passed away very unexpectedly on 3/25/03! Our love will remain in my heart for the rest of my life until I can join him once again! We were together for 18 months.

Hello...my name is Donna. I am 42 years old and originally from Oklahoma. I now live in Florida and I am just a skip, hop and jump from the Gulf of Mexico. I am a certified "Okie" for sure but I really love it down here in Florida! I found my TRUE LOVE 13 years ago. His name is Paul and he is a Vietnam Veteran who struggles with PTSD.

It was really funny when we met because I had just gotten divorced when Paul walked into my life. I wasn't even thinking about starting another relationship. Before I knew it this absolute adorable man stole my heart. That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship that has traveled some pretty rough roads.

PTSD breaks my heart at what it does to a vet and the people who love them. PTSD as negative as it is, positively... changed my life in that it caused me to accept God back into my life. It has not been easy, but God has always been there! I did not understand the hurt and pain Paul was going through at times and surely could not understand why he inflicted his anger and rage at me. He said he loved me, but sometimes did not show it. At times he wanted to kill me....I could see it in his eyes. I lived in fear until I found God again.

I prayed to God that He help me to help Paul. I told God that I loved Paul like no other and I was willing to do anything to change our life together. Sobriety was the first step. Then God guided me to educate myself about Paul's condition and in doing so I began to understand PTSD. Not as Paul knew it...but as I seen it! With a understanding of PTSD and it's symptoms I realized the man I love is trapped in a body trying frantically to fight those feelings off. I realized how difficult it is for him to have just a normal day. We are working on living with PTSD. It has been people such as YOU, my new friends, that have helped get us this far. It is a rough road on a never-ending journey, but a journey I am willing to make to live with the "Love of My Life!"

Bob and I have been together about five years. I have two grown children, two grandchildren and a large extended family. My husband died when the children were young and I've always worked but never really needed or cared to be married again. Bob was married twice, five children. He has three sisters and three brothers and his parents have passed away. My mother is living but my father has died. My only sibling, a brother, died of AIDS back in the mid-80's. I have a dog and a cat but love all animals and would live in the country and raise horses if I had the chance. I've worked in the same educational position for 34 years and actually enjoying going to work. My colleagues are a terrific group of people with varied interests, lifestyles, and viewpoints which only adds favorably to the mix. I am Irish and raised in a very Catholic household - attended parochial schools from kindergarten through high school. After college, and the passing of my brother, I fell away from the church a bit but still made sure my children were raised practicing Catholics until they graduated from high school. In my heart, I'm still a Catholic but have chosen to pray in my own way and not be structured. The outdoors is where I spend what time I have outside of work. Hiking, walking the dog (but then, how much walking can a Dachshund really do?), gardening, water skiing, etc.

All you need to know about me you will probably find in my posts. I am 35 and have been married for 5 years to a wonderful man who can be exasperating at times, but that I would not trade for anything in the world. He is a combat veteran stuck in the eternal red tape of an 'indefinate medical leave of absence'. <sigh> One day they will let go, we pray. I am fortunate that he is aware of his own issues with PTSD & I don't have to tell him what the problems are. My heart sinks when I know someone is so overwhelmed that the feel they must leave their spouse. As hard as it can be at times, there are many wonderful things about him that are the reason I made my vows to him. No kids... just a cat... probably will stay that way too. We are both traditional Native Americans and try to live our beliefs as best we can. Anything else you wonder about you can ask me.

My name is Martha. I've been with my Vet, Doyle for 10 years. I'm 44. I'll be 45 inJune. Doyle married his high school girlfriend in 1965 after she told him she was going to have a baby. Of course, she wasn't so they separated. Their divorce was final while he was Vietnam. He joined the Marine Corps in 1966 after he was told there was a 6 month wait to join the Air Force. His older brother and best friend was killed in a car accident in the summer of 1966. His brother was in the Navy and stationed in California. Doyle was at Camp Pendleton. When he came home for his brother's funeral, he had orders to go to Vietnam. His poor Mama! I don't know how she survived a son being killed and the thought that she might lose the other son also in Vietnam. When Doyle got to Vietnam, he was sent to Bravo Company of the 1st Battalion 9th Marines (The Walkingdead) even though he was trained in bulk fuel. He was wounded twice. The first time on Feb. 23, 1968 at Khe Sanh. The second time on May 1, 1968 at Con Tien. He remembers NO NAMES and is haunted by it. He has recently been going to PTSD Group meetings but says he's not going anymore because of numerous excuses. They are too early in the afternoon. They don't talk about how to help the PTSD symptoms. He crys very easily. Wants to talk but doesn't. He gets angry very quickly and sometimes for no reason but other times I think he will explode but doesn't say a word. I'm his 4th wife or I at least consider myself to be his 4th. He's actually been married 3 times but he lived with someone for around 7 years so I consider that one his wife too. I think it's very interesting that alot of the Viet Vets are married to women who are 10 to 15 years younger. Why do you think that happens??? He's had numerous jobs. Everything from driving a truck to delivering newspapers. He's (Thank God) worked for the post office for the 17 years as a rural route mail carrier. It's a good job for him because there is alot of "alone time". I'm not in the greatest of health. High blood pressure, diabetes, migraines, severe acid reflux...all illness that are worsened by stress. So I marry a Vietnam Vet...doesn't show much intelligence. He told me that if anything happens to me first that he will kill himself. Not much stress there...HaHa. I've really enjoyed reading the posts. It's a good things to know that you aren't alone. Thanks!

Martha

I am newly diagnosed with PTSD but mine was caused by traumatic childhood abuse, not from a war. I am not sure how much I will fit in around here but I will participate as much as I can. I am 18 years old, happily married, from Ohio. I got married January 19, 2001 to my wonderful supportive husband who is 20 and in the United States Army (Active Duty). We got orders for Alaska in 2001 and are currently on our 2nd year up here. For fun I like to: chat, create webpages, scrapbooking, listen to music, read a good book, and manage my 2 online support groups. I am a homebody... I don't like doing much outside of my home but every once in a while I go to the gym and tan, swim, & work out. I just got accepted for a new job today

but seeing how my work experiences have been in the past (not so great) I don't know how this one will turn out either. Oh and my husband won battalion Soldier of the Year, and in March we are going to Hawaii for 12 days so he can compete at another level.

As for my ptsd it really effects but then again it doesn't. I don't really have as many mental symptoms as I do physical ones. I have severe CPP (chronic pelvic pain) due to the ptsd and also other things such as; fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, and reproductive factors. On the mental aspect of it I have; nightmares, social anxiety disorder, and several phobias along with anger management problems. Well I guess that is all there is to say about me.

I grew up near the Pentagon,My grandmother worked ther for thirty years as a civilian in Air Force Intelligence (GS 12) My Uncle who lived with us went to Vietnam(Navy) when I was a kid.We were all close to him.He came home ok and is retired captain of Arlington County Fire and Resue ....first on the scene of the Pentagon 911 attack and he was in charge of the Evac plans for the Pentagon.Another Uncle is National Guard,and great grandfather a civil war vet,grandfather is a Korean vet buried at Arlington National Cemetary.

Taking a photo course at college I stumbled upon the Wall by accident and vowed to do something for the vets,started the Roses4Vets effort in '99.

A couple years later met a vet at a Christmas VVA party with chapter #752 who I've been with ever since.I thought he was pretty cute,and he is an optician."Jim" was a medic in Da Nang (Air Force) '69-'70 He was wounded once,shrapnel hit him hard in the shoulder as he was coming out of a hospital door at the 95th evac hospital,holding the door open for a stretcher,went into the next door and a rocket hit the door he had just come out of.He refused his purple heart.Most of the time he was flying in C-141's and was the medic on board taking care of patients going to Japan

He has PTSD and I stopped trying to tell him he still has it despite 5 years of steady treatment at a vet center>>>>LOL he won't listen to me.

I really love this guy despite the fact that it's a pain in the A$$ sometimes.The bad thing is I had severe PTSD,diagnosed about three years ago by the National Rehab Center (for totally different reasons of course) but I can still relate to the monster.I have gotten better and helping the vets helps me,that is the best therapy I've known.( I was with a jerk of a husband and that what caused me to have it) It doesn't make it easy when two people have it either,but sometimes it helps us to understand each other better! He can tease me about it and sometimes I tease him.It's still a rough road but I couldn't see myself involved with anyone but this vet.He's a great guy.I'm 11 years younger than him but that doesn't seem to cause a problem We both know we don't EVER want to be married to anyone but that doesn't mean the commitment isn't there.We just both had very bad experiences with marriage

I am still married to this ignorant fool who tries to make my life he** (LOL)and he has our houseWe have been separated for over three years and for some reason I thik he believes I'll be back NOT!!!!! He's a liar and it can be hard to deal with.I have custody of my twin 11 year old daughters ,who also love veterans.Their names are "Misty" and "Gabby" I live with my grandmother and wonder one day if I will ever get my home back.The vets call me their sister,and they know I would help them in any way I can.They are also the kind of people who would help me or someone in trouble,and I have seen them do it many times.

Sometimes I get Pi$$ed at Jim so this group sounds pretty great! I know alot of wives in person and they always tell me the same thing,that being married to a vet aint no easy task

I now live in Manassas Virginia,about 26 miles from DC and during nice weather Jim and I find our very favorite spot is The Wall and The Mall.It's a truly peaceful place where we find lots of friends!

My name is "Fanny"...... I originally am from Oklahoma. That is where I met and married my My "PTSD" man 25 years ago. He's been a terrific dad to three sons I had from a previous marraige to a Vietnam Veteran. We moved often and struggled financially as well. We bought this handman special in 1988 in Florida and have worked hard not to let the roof fall in around us. We both prefer other climates but because of the children and the grandchildren, we have kept this as our primary storage shed while we try to stay on the road in our RV traveling as much as possible. We had a wonderful vegetable garden on a tree farm in Minnesota for several years, which we both enjoyed. We both really got into canning during the harvest. We both are artistic and enjoy many different types of crafting. We love puzzles, we love fishing, we love the out of doors for inner peace and serenity. Our spiritual strength comes from being in nature and Ed is an excellent photographer. We both love animals and we only have one dog right now due to our road trips. His name is Yoopie (named after Upper Michigan...the U.P.)... He's black chow and lab..... Our dream is to have a small farm someday and have a few animals. I think we are both getting to feeling pretty old physically so don't know know how many animals we could really handle.

Ed was in Nam in 1969 and 1970 with the Army. He was with the 1st Cav Armored Cav. (Recon)....MOS 11-D-20.........Hawk Hill (Hill 29/35). Wounded on his birthday, August 12, 1969....sent to DaNang......then to a hospital in El Paso, Texas for a lengthy recovery from shrapnel in his back and legs... ~~other earlier episodes, but this one is the one that sent him home~~ He had many operations over the years with his knees and did get two new knees in 1995 which started the BIG "Slide"......... no longer to work as an auto mechanic, the depression was very severe and he was hospitalized in his first round of PTSD treatment programs. He was receiving 30% when we married in the 70's with gradual increases over the years. In 1999 he finally received the total and permanent 100%. His episodes of depression were still frequent and his decline was continuing. Here it is 2003 and we still feel frustrated with his mental and physical problems. Ed has three different types of arthritis and his chronic pain is a continual challenge for us both.

I joined this group as difficult times have arrived again for the second time in a year to our marraige. My ability to cope and have the much needed energy for dealing with the depression is at an all time low. I'm exhausted, drained, and feeling pretty "numb" myself. Hoping to refuel a little bit here and gather strength from other PTSD companions.

I am a sahm of 2 great kids. A girl (15 yo) and a boy (3 yo). I am happily married to theman of my dreams, who also happens to be a vietnam vet. We have lived together for 11 years, but only married for 3 years (and for those of you doing the math :) our daughter is his from a previous marriage, but she has lived with us our entire relationship and I love her as she is mine, our son was born one year and two months before we married) We have been through SO much together. I am 24 years younger than him, and had no idea about PTSD until I met him. Actually I didn't know anything about the Vietnam war until I met him....we didn't talk about it in school, much less study it. Hindsight 20/20, maybe this is why we lasted the first few years. Because I didn't know anything about it, he didn't feel the shame that he often felt around others. I love him with all of my heart, and would bear the pain for him in a second, if only for a second...to give him a moments peace.

I'm sorry this has turned into a book...and I still haven't told you 'about me' ~lol~

I love to sew, do crafts, scrapbook(!), cook (although I hate to clean up a kitchen), fish with my family, and photography-my newest addiction. I recently started doing a little more with it. I did a wedding, some senior portraits, and a couple of family shoots. I really enjoy it! It gives me a chance to escape completely!

I will end now by saying that I am so glad to have found you all! Finally a place I can vent all of my frustrations, without feeling like I'm being judged. No one in my 'circle' understands AT ALL. Thank you for giving me a place to fit in.

I'm so glad to be part of this group. I grew up in Montana, then spent many years in San Francisco, then Florida. There've been several failed marriages along the way, but fortunately, no chldren. I just couldn't seem to settle down til I met my vet. I've been with him for the past 16 years, married the last 10. I knew from the beginning that Viet Nam was a major part of his reality. The first time we went out together, we ended up talking til 7:00 AM, mostly about Viet Nam. Through the years we had a lot of the usual troubles of undiagnosed PTSD; drinking, lost jobs, unexplained breakups or disappearances, me ranting about all that being 30 years ago so just let it go,etc. Neither of us knew anything about PTSD until another vet saw mine working in a mechanic shop and asked someone else if my vet knew he had PTSD. He could recognize it just by watching my vet. Anyway, they began talking and that was the first step towards treatment and understanding. That was almost 6 years ago and in that time he's quit drinking, goes to therapy and takes his meds. He doesn't go to group (his Dr says he may never be ready for it) and doesn't leave our place much. We have 80 acres in the middle of nowhere...closest neighbor is 1/2 mile away. This seems to suit him well. He's more at ease now than I've ever seen him and he says this is the first time since 'Nam that he's felt he had a home. That's not to say that we don't still deal with PTSD on a daily basis. He's extremely hypervigilant most of the time, still has nightmares,even with the meds, and doesn't relate well to people at all. He's much more comfortable with just me and our critters for company. That's where the name Zookeeper comes in. We have 3 Labradors, a very confused Border Collie/Spitz mix who's blind in one eye and 12 cats, one of whom is also black and white and blind in one eye (we got her to match the dog...lol) and I'm not sure right now how many chickens. I just found 2 more setting on eggs so guess there's more to come. My neighbors call me if any of their pets are sick 'cuz with so many, I try to keep critter medicines on hand. Our veterinarian calls me his satellite office, even told one neighbor that if she couldn't medicate her cat to bring it to me.

A few months ago, shortly after I got this computor, my vet went through a real bad anniversary. It's an annual thing every May but I guess I forgot til it was full blown. It was a rough couple of weeks but he got back to normal(?) pretty well. I didn't! My life was just a huge black cloud shot through with rage. Thank God for the computor...I checked out a few sites for PTSD families and realized I needed help. I began counseling, taking an antidepressant and joined the wives group at our VA. All of that has been a real help along with rereading a lot of the books I read before about living with PTSD. I guess I had forgotten that this has to be an ongoing, everyday, one day at a time, effort to take care of myself and still be there, with compassion, for the horrors in his mind. As close as we've become, I don't think I can ever comprehend what he lives with, day and night. I can only be there for him and all of you help me do that. Thanks!...Linda

Hi ladies..I am new to this board so here goes my story. I met my husband 4 years ago but we just got married last September. At the time of our marriage he was just having a few dreams...then in January he ended up in a va hospital for 4 months..from January to April..it was a long winter to say the least. He is on a long list of meds and still trying to work.

i was born in 1954, the oldest daughter of a rabbi. we were in greenville, south carolina, but we moved back north because of the klan. i was political very early in life, and campaigned for eugene mccarthy. during the viet nam war, i was an organizer in the move to bring the troops home, and for the pow/mias.

i married in the 80's and had 2 kids.

i had a very abusive childhood, and my husband was also abusive. for 20 years, i acted like we had the perfect marriage, but i was miserable. i was involved in community groups and the school board during that time.

i finally moved out of my house and got divorced. i bought a house and my son lives with me.

i met my vet through his brother, who was on the school board. when he found out that i was free, the brother asked me out. he was a detective on the police force, and a viet nam vet. we ended up breaking up, but i had met howie during this time and thought that he would be really cool to have as a brother-in-law.

little did i know that he was thinking the same about me.

when i first met him, it was as if i had known him all my life. we could practically read eachother's minds. he cracked me up.

he had been a door gunner in phuoc binh in 1969. 1st air cavalry, 227th, charlie company.

he has diabetes and narcolepsy and peripheral neuropathy in addition to the ptsd.

he spends every tuesday at the va. sometimes more time than that. he is supposed to be going into the 90 day program in the winter.

we have been going out for 3 years.he hasn't moved in, although i wish he would.

i am luckier than most of the women in this group. howie makes conscious decisions to help himself overcome the ptsd. i had done the same about mine, so i understand a lot of what he is going through. we both help eachother a lot. he has hobbies, and we love to travel and go to nice restaurants. he has many friends that we get together with. he is an excellent father to his 3 kids from his previous marriage. i get along with his ex. his kids are wonderful. my kids like him, and all our kids get along well.

he is extremly sweet, and we have never yet had an argument, even though he is a conservative and i am a democrat.

i am trying to start a group outside of the va for vets with ptsd and their loved ones. howie and i feel that it would be more beneficial than anything that the va is doing now. i have support from our local v v a chapter( the largest in the country).

we are lucky that he got his 100% permanent, and his social security disability.

we both know that we would have been married by now if he didn't have ptsd. he is working on getting his head out of his butt, but it is hard.( not his butt- his head)

we are working on our relationship constantly. we went to couples counseling at the va every week for months! now we read a lot of self help stuff, and everything about ptsd that we can. it's great having a guy who is really trying.

i would like everyone in the group to know that it can get better for you. howie has cut back on many of his meds. it helps if your man is cooperative so it is a team effort. you need to get him to tell you about what he's been through and to not hold back. it's hard for them, because they think that by not telling you, they are protecting you. they think that we are not strong enough to handle it. it's easier for the guys to talk to other vets. a lot of times their thinking is very skewed.

i am also lucky that howie does not have any addictions. he is a real boy scout. he is very dependable. also, very romantic. in the beginning of our relationship, he complained that he had no libido- the whole dead inside thing. lately, he's been a tiger. i think that some of the dead inside was his meds.

to all the women with husbands that are abusive, you have to ask yourself this question-

if he didn't have ptsd, would he still be acting like a jerk?

my first husband was abusive, and he didn't have ptsd and didn't drink.

howie could not be abusive to me if he tried. a lot of guys blame all of their stuff on ptsd. as someone who suffers from ptsd myself, i won't put up with people blaming their abusiveness on ptsd. people can control their behavior, and make a conscious effort to be civil to the people that they care about... even with ptsd.

it IS hard for them to deal with frustration. the va makes it worse by being one of the most frustrating places in the universe. howie's blood pressure skyrockets when he is there.anyway, enough of my ranting.

i hope this doesn't get lost in limbo because i don't feel like doing it again. when i first came on the site i tried to do my bio but it got lost. my ptsd made me wait till now to try again. lol.

my hobbies are quilting, reading, cooking ( i am a professional chef, but i'm an unemployed office manager right now.)

I am new to this site and new to the idea that I can actually talk to other women that know what I mean , instead of just feeling like I'm crazymost of the time. Unlike many of you I have not been with my husband for the long haul, only 8 years. I am 44 years old, and my LT was in country in 1965-1966. that means that I was 7 years old when he went, which has been a source of many arguments. (among about 1000 other things)

I raised four sons (two by birth and two adopted when their own mother died) alone in detroit. I have 3 grand-brats who are the loves of my life and I always say that it's too bad you can't have your grand-kids first.

My LT has never had any children, we've been told because of Agent Orange. When I met him, my sons were already grown. (I started very young, married my first Marine husband in 1975 when I was 16.) Since LT has no kids, he became very attached to my oldest son. They were fast friends.

I met my husband at a VietNam Veterans of America chapter 259 in Taylor, MI where he was a member of the board. It was love at first sight, as they say. I should have known I was in trouble when he took me home and he had paintings of choppers in the air and "The Wall" hanging all over his living room.

LT gets 100% disability for PTSD, if that says anything. I work full time (and then some) and he does not work. I am a full time college student, after waiting 25 years to go back to school. I got a full scholarship. (guess I'm not a dumb as I feel)

Between the college, work, grand-brats, sons and all, I am dealing with a severe case of PTSD myself. My oldest son that my LT was so fond of committed sucide and left us. Life with LT was exhausting enough, but he hasn't been able to bounce back from this one and he isn't even the boys' father. My son was 21 at the time and it has been 5 years. It still seems like it was 5 days ago.

I have worked in gas-station management for 20 years, and I hate to say that the majority of the public are rude and demeaning. I have been robbed at gunpoint twice. I have also been treated for breast cancer twice.

People may think that my life is just one tragic mess after another but I try to look up. That's why I'm in school. I want to be a CPA. Looking up is also why I still love LT after everything, he's a stray animal lover and a poetry writer, and he's also THE meanest SOB who ever walked.

I am SO thankful I found this place.

Should have done this over a year ago, but wasn't a good time for me then. I am 54 years old, the mother of two grown sons and grandmotherof one beautiful granddaughter who is now 3. My sons live in SC and GA. The oldest is senior accounts manager for a company called Anchor Sign. The other is in the Army with the 3rd infantry and is a Medic. I also have a step son and step daughter who contribute 4 more grandkids for a total of five. 3 boys and 2 girls.

I have been married to two Vietnam Vets, one didn't teach me enough lol. Was married to first one for 21 long years. Have been married to my Marine since Nov of last year. He is the love of my life, but very much PTSD sufferer. I am one of the lucky ones who found him after he had already been through several ptsd programs and is 100% P&T. We live on 20 acres of land and have the river and a pond in our woods , so lots of water around here. We live here with our five dogs, who are our family. They range in age from 11 years to 1 year.

I am a college graduate with a degree in Christian Education, but am currently not working. Just enjoying my new husband and working on remodleing his bachelor pad to look like a woman resides here. We worked all winter inside and did the outside this spring and summer. The only problem with living so close to the river is that it does and did flood this summer, what an experience that was.

Guess that just about covers it for now. Love this group and love the women here. One big happy loving family of sisters.

I am Known as alamogirl from when I signed up but just changed it to my real name Greta. I found the Vietnam wives.

We just found out my husband has PTSD. I knew he needed some help but he refused to go to the VA till last week.

We have been together for over about 10 years and we just married in July of 2003. We have a home together and I have a daughter he has a daughter and a son which I feel like they are my own. We have 4 garandchildren and 1 more on the way. Yahoo! We love each other very much and rarely argue and when we do we are laughing within 10 minutes. We were meant for each other as everyone tells us since we love all of the same things. After Friday.... I don't know how to explain it but I even love him more.

I accidentally found this board as I was looking for more imformation about PTSD. I feel like so much has happened this last week it is unbelievable. We just walked in the VA last Friday after I begged and pleaded for years due to his Diabetes (type II) and medication costs required after a triple by pass 2 years ago. They were soooo wonderful I can't believe it! I do not know if this the norm but I was impressed. He has a purple heart and many other medals which I am told has put him into a pretty high priority. They escorted us everywhere and he saw 2 psychiatrists, alot of tears were shed. He is already a better looking man just since Friday. I am crying with happiness as I write this letter .

I feel bad cause I did not know all the things he was feeling.

We submitted paperwork for disability compensation 2 months ago and have not heard anything but also put in a claim for the PTSD yesterday.

I did not know alot of things like PTSD victims wanting to watch war movies (he does ALOT) , or they are obsessed with locked doors (ourhouse is Fort Knox).

I am 53 and he is 55 years old. I have worked for the last 35 years , 20 years as a buyer with the same company. Last year when I was given a early retirement package since my job was moving to California. I have never stayed home as just a housewife until now ( I love it). My husband works at a military base here in Arizona.

I guess that is all I can tell you except I know we are going to become good friends. Goodbye

England is where I was born. Most of my relatives are still there. My parents moved to California when I was small and it was a great growing up as a teenager and living right by the beach. Back in the 60's that was the place to be. All the handsome young soldiers were everywhere!!! I met my husband on a blind date just before I graduated from high school and 6 months later on New Years Eve we went to Las Vegas and got married. That was over 36 yrs ago. He was stationed at El Toro Marine Base and drove the fuel tankers. Two days before he was discharged we had a baby girl. Four weeks later we were driving a 65 Mustang with all we owned back to Michigan to live.

It was a hard adjustment for me leaving my family and going from water to winter. Huge cultural shock. But that was a long time ago now, and we have a daughter 35 with 5 children and a son who is 33 who was in the Marines and in the Gulf War. Our youngest daughter is 28 with 2 kids.

We've had the normal struggles just like everyone else and Ron always being the Rock of Gibralter came down with PTSD after 30 yrs. We sold our house to our younger daughter and moved to our home up north, thinking that would releave him of his anxiety and stress. We are currently living on a small inland lake with beautiful sunsets over the water. He is working on overcoming his PTSD and getting ready to retire. He was also in the Air Force Reserves for 20 yrs. so with that retirement we can go any where in the country and stay on the bases for minimal cost to us. They have beautiful accommodiations.We are both working on getting this monkey off our backs so our future will be a happy one.

I am 53 and my husband is 57. He was in Vietnam, in the First Cavalry. I don't know many details, other than he was injured at leastthree times and has three purple hearts. Twice he was given the first rites. He hasn't worked for a couple of years (except for one 5 week job and one 5 month job). The industry he was in went downhill after 9/11, and no one wanted to hire a white haired 57 year old who wanted a high hourly wage.

I'm having a very hard time. He went into the 45 day program for PTSD and recently finished. He is still going to a group and individual counseling and we're also fortunate enough to be getting marriage counseling as well. But it is hard, hard, hard. I thought he'd be better when he got out and instead, it seems like he's worse. I never knew what was wrong before, just that SOMETHING was wrong with him and he was screwed up. The way he found out that he had PTSD was because he joined a couple of veterans groups and went to the VA to have a pizza party for the guys in the PTSD program there. He's very socialable and was talking to the guys in the program and found himself relating to the less obvious symptoms, such as numbing. Before that he would never admit or even believe there was ANYTHING wrong with him. He thought that there was something wrong with everyone else and his behavior was our fault.

To be honest, I want to leave him. I'm sick, sick, sick of the behavior and the screwed up thinking and living my life from one of his explosions to the next. And he's on medication now! FYI, for all you wives out there who think that their husbands are going to be "fixed" when they come out of the program, our counselor said that about 90% of the guys have major setbacks when they get home. Mine did,and believe me, I was the one who had to deal with it. I actually packed my bags this time, and I've still got them packed and ready for the next explosion which should happen around the time that I'm starting to feel better. I need support. All you wives who describe your husbands in glowing terms, I just can't do that. My oldest daughter was upset because I've been like a shell of my old self. "Where is the old Mommy who was cute and took care of herself and was fun?" She's dead inside, I wanted to say. I was sad to see her so sad. It made me sad for losing myself.

My husband is so handsome and nice to everyone else. But I'm not allowed to be anything but pretend-happy. I'm the last person on his list to spend time with. I have to work because he's not working and every day I just go through the motions. I know I'm depressed but I can't up my a