I conduct these psych-profiles on a regular basis with all core Mutant X members. The constant use of their powers taxes not only their physical strength but their mental health as well. That, combined with the fluctuating state of their mutant DNA, makes these sessions a necessity. The following excerpt is transcribed from an early session I had with Shalimar. Her growth and focus since this time continually amazes me, making it clear my choices have not in vain.
A: You’ve calmed down considerably today.
SHALIMAR: I’m used to the scents, that’s all.
A: And me.
SHALIMAR: (laughs) Maybe. You’re still a square.
A: Awww. And I was beginning to think you liked me. I talked to your parents. They know you’re safe.
SHALIMAR: But they don’t know what’s going on here, right?
A: No. Why are you so protective of them? Do you think they’ll reject you if they learned you were a New Mutant?
SHALIMAR: No! My mom and dad are the best! But they might be hurt…or get hurt by the same goons who were tracking me. Just stop talking about them or I’m outta here!
(Her eyes glow feral gold. She crouches as if to attack)
A: That’s unnecessary, Shalimar. We’ll move on to something else.
(She calms)
A: When did you learn the truth about yourself?
SHALIMAR: When I was three. I outran my pet kitty in a race.
A: And you knew you were different from other children?
SHALIMAR: Enough to hide it.
A: You pretended to be normal.
SHALIMAR: ‘Til it drove me nuts. When I was ten, I found myself running through the streets one night. No clothes on. No control. I prowled like a human cat. It was like the feeling just tore out of my insides. It wasn’t ‘til I caught sight of myself in a store window that I snapped to. Was I freaked!
A: What happened?
SHALIMAR: Nothing. It was three o’clock in the morning. No one was around. But from then on I made a habit of late night prowls. I never wanted to lose control again.
A: And did you?
SHALIMAR: You tell me! I almost scratched your eyes out when you found me in that dive! No! The older I got, the harder it was to handle. And don’t get me wrong. Being a cat was easy. It was acting “normal” that screwed me up.
A: You grew up in southern California, right?
SHALIMAR: For a while. My dad’s job took us all over the southwest. Taos was the best. It’s still home to me.
A: You could be more yourself there?
(She constantly fidgets and starts to move around the room, pawing objects and stretching out with no sense of modesty)
SHALIMAR: Yeah, if you say so. I was happier in school. Had friends. Could flirt with the jocks. Have dinner with the folks. And at night there were lots of rodents to chase in the desert. Yes siree! Jus’ your average American feline-next-door!
A: Shalimar, if I told you I could help you balance your powers so you could one day control your feral impulses, what would you say?
SHALIMAR: I’d say you were full of it.
A: Yet, you’re here with me now.
SHALIMAR: It’s the cat thing, again. Gives me an edge on reading people. You’re not gonna hurt me. I know that much.
(She “springs” from her chair and lands right next to me)
SHALIMAR: In fact, that’s the last thing on your mind, isn’t it?
A: Down, girl.
(We both laugh)
SHALIMAR: I won’t hurt you, either.
A: So you’re going to stay for a while?
SHALIMAR: Sure. Just give me my space to prowl.
I grabbed this session with Shalimar just before Genomex fell. The entire team was experiencing a flux with their powers and the need to keep them online mentally was crucial. Shalimar had been through a series of emotional wringers in the previous months as well. I had to break her shell, as usual.
A: So. Are you going to talk…or just growl?
SHALIMAR: Gimme a break, Adam!
A: Well?
SHALIMAR: Well…I’ve got a lot to get used to!
A: Are your increased powers throwing you?
SHALIMAR: No. They seem right. It’s everything I had before, just more of it. My reflexes, my sense of smell, and my vision…It’s like someone just took my Feral side and sharpened it. Brennan and Jesse and Emma all have completely new things to deal with. But me…I just feel like I’ve grown into what I was always supposed to.
A: And that makes you feel…?
SHALIMAR: Awesome, tiger. (She laughs)
A: You said you felt like someone sharpened your skills. Who do you mean?
SHALIMAR: Well, not God if that’s what you’re getting at. And not you. Sorry.
A: Water off my back. But who then?
SHALIMAR: I guess it would have to be me. My Feral side. It’s just stepped up.
A: And taken over.
(She doesn’t answer, but her eyes glow gold)
A: Shalimar. Are you afraid of your Feral side?
SHALIMAR: No. I love it. I’m just afraid of losing my human side. That’s all. It seems during the last year, I’ve become more and more of an animal.
A: How so?
SHALIMAR: Leaning more on my instincts instead of my head. Going wild on any GSAgent I could get my claws into. The men I’ve…associated with.
A: You always had some questionable judgment there.
SHALIMAR: If you mean Zach, he was a mistake any teenager could have made, New Mutant or not! No, seeing him again after all these years just made it clear what a cheating, lowlife he is and always was.
A: What about Dr. Saunders?
SHALIMAR: Richard was a Feral, like me. We were drawn to each other, like something out of “Wild Kingdom”. I’ve never lost control with a man like that, Adam. He made me a pure cat. No thought or reason, just…
A: I get the picture.
SHALIMAR: And look what I almost gave up for him. If I’d gone through this power change when he was alive, I’d be completely lost. You’d have to leave me in the jungle somewhere.
A: Is there anyone else who brings this primal dominance out in you.
SHALIMAR: Yeah. Another hood. (Grins) As if you didn’t know who. I haven’t acted on it yet. He and I are too close. It could wreck everything if we hooked up. But playing it cool gets harder and harder. And now that my Feral side is amped, I’m losing what little good sense I’ve had.
A: Perhaps it’s time you stopped dividing your sides, Shalimar. You’re not half human, half animal. You’re…
SHALIMAR: Just one?
A: Yes. Dr. Saunders had you convinced that your Feral nature was wrong and needed to be removed. Do you see how it would have turned out if you’d let that happen?
SHALIMAR: I’d be so screwed up…
A: Why?
SHALIMAR: Because being Feral is what I am. And if I know that…
A: You can control it.
(After a moment, Shalimar purrs)
SHALIMAR: You know, Adam, sometimes I could just eat you up. I think I should get back to dealing with Ashlocke now.
