Jesse still represents one of my greatest challenges. He is a very complex young man whose personality mirrors his powers: at times elated and ethereal, at others rigid and isolated. Of my core team, he is the most unpredictable. Being a Molecular, I have to keep an even closer watch on his condition. The instability factor of his body can easily have an effect on his mind as well. The following dialogue is from my fourth session with him, after he had been with MUTANT X for just under two months. He was quite forthcoming that day.
JESSE: Is there something wrong with me?
A: Why do you ask that?
JESSE: It’s just we have all these talks and they always seem to be about the same things.
A: Well, you have a lot of issues for someone your age.
JESSE: Because I’m a mutant?
A: You tell me, Jesse. Are you happy here?
JESSE: You kidding? It’s been the best time of my life! With you and Shalimar. Vince and Allison too when they’re around. Helping build up Stormking Mountain and the Underground. Using my powers whenever I want. Have you seen me lately in workouts? The timing on my phasing these days…I’ve never had so much control.
(Excited, he makes himself intangible and passes his arm through the flower vase two or three times with obvious elation before turning solid again)
JESSE: Awesome, huh?!!
A: Yes. You’ve made remarkable progress there.
JESSE: You’re not thinking of sending me away are you?
A: No. This is your home for as long as you need it.
JESSE: It is home.
(He is instantly silent. A minute passes.)
A: I notice you’ve made no attempt to contact your father or mother.
JESSE: That’s nothing new. Even when I lived with them there was no contact.
A: You had a substantially different upbringing from most New Mutants, Jesse.
JESSE: You mean money? Privilege? That’s a loaded word. Don’t think for a second it gave me security. Or confidence. It’s a joke that my power wasn’t invisibility, because as far as my parents were concerned, that’s what I was. Their wealth just made it easier to ignore me.
A: Ignore your powers?
JESSE: No. Ignore me. Their made-to-order baby boy with blonde hair, blue eyes and magic DNA! My powers didn’t matter. I think it was the one thing about me that interested my father. And my mother…she was around for photo ops and holiday dinners. Not much else. Once they were certain I could hide my abilities they either shipped me off to boarding school or kept me tucked away in the east wing of the house.
(He starts to mass out in frustration, then stops himself)
A: You were lonely?
JESSE: Always.
A: Big fantasy life?
JESSE: Yeah. Lord of the Rings, Wizard of Oz, Robin Hood…I lived for stuff like that. Still do.
A: All tales of camaraderie.
JESSE: Adventures with real friends who were just as out of place as me.
A: Sort of like here at Mutant X.
JESSE: It is. (He smiles).
A: So perhaps your issues are not so much due to being a molecular mutant…
JESSE: They’re due to my being Jesse Kilmartin.
Jesse’s reaction to his evolved powers has not been positive. I needed this session to help shake out his fears and move him forward. It would be tragic if I had to replace him with another Molecular.
JESSE: I keep thinking about my dad.
A: What about him?
JESSE: How he had everything and it still wasn’t enough. Money, family, looks, health. I know now the only reason he got in touch with me was to use my powers. He used me to save his own selfish hide. I might be his only son, but I’m just a freak possession to him. He doesn’t care who I am as a person, just that I can walk through walls…or become one.
A: Why do you think he behaves that way?
JESSE: I used to think he was just addicted to thrills. Why else would he turn his back on my grandfather’s business and lead the life that he does?
A: What do you think now?
JESSE: I’m pretty sure it’s insecurity. He must hate himself. Dad was never strong enough for the Kilmartin standard. The things he accomplished were never good enough for them…at least in his own mind. That’s why he became a soldier-of-fortune. Why he was never faithful to my mother. Why he always lies.
A: He’s deceived himself into feeling like a man.
JESSE: Yeah! And he’s anything but!
A: Jesse. I’ve noticed how you’ve been spending less and less time working out your new abilities in the Dojo each day and more time hiding behind the computer screens.
JESSE: It’s just a better place for me, Adam. You know how long it took me to get use to my original Molecular powers. It was ages before you even let me out in the field. And now, with all this new stuff…I mean, check it out.
(He aims his powers on an empty chair. Instantly, it becomes transparent. As he tries to return it to a solid, his focus falters and the chair reintegrates in splinters.)
JESSE: See? Can you imagine if I messed up like this on a mission? Well, it’s not going to happen. Innocent people could get hurt. Or worse, Shalimar and Emma.
A: Or Brennan.
JESSE: Nothing throws him. He’s Mr. Perfect. And that’s what I’ve got to be, Adam. I’m no good to anyone unless I’m perfect.
A: Like your father?
JESSE: Like my…? Oh God.
A: Confidence and ego are two very different things, young man. The first you need to survive. The other you need to get past.
JESSE: Adam…
A: I think that’s all for today, Jesse. And I want you to know that I’m banning you from the computer bays for two weeks, unless Ashlocke strikes. You’re to spend at least four hours a day in the Dojo alone and another two with your teammates. When the time is up, we’ll see where you are…both inside and out…and then we’ll talk again.
JESSE: You know, a year ago, I’d say you were treating me like a child.
A: And now?
JESSE: I think I’ve been treating myself like one.
:: End of Transcription ::
