| RED FLAG | JUSTIFICATION | REALITY |
| Showed no anger | Did not see it as a problem | Should have, everyone gets angry, surfaced later; indirectly, covertly... |
| Committed Adultery | Everyone makes mistakes | Never admitted to making a mistake...When asked why they broke up, said, "she bitched too much." |
| Indirectly blamed ex-wife for everything | Thought how terrible she must have been, she didn't understand him | Didn't make himself understood, later it was implied that all problems were my fault as well. |
| Appeared to have had a lot of misfortune but would not "talk about it". | Felt very sorry for him, felt that he needed someone to love and treat him well. | A martyr....carries around old wounds like a badge of honor... |
| 1st trip together, asked another couple to go along without informing me, or asking me | Shy | Intimacy problems, not to mention no regard for my preferences |
| Showed more sensitivity and concern for others than for me | Thought eventually I would "earn" his respect, concenrn, etc. | No one should have to earn "respect" for their feelings |
| Wouldn't talk about prior relationships/hispast or communicate about our relationship | Shy, introverted | Hiding something? Emotionally shut down...Communication is a must in any relationship |
| Relative told me that I was good for him | Boost to my ego | Should have questioned why he needed someone to "be good for him" |
| Another relative said that he was cold and unfeeling | Again, thought he was misunderstood, was treating me well | He was cold and unfeeling once we were married...should have questioned why a relative would say that.... |
| Ask me to sell my home, and move into one he co-owned with a relative which he planned on "giving" to that relative at a later date | I was very angry when this happened. | This should have stopped me in my tracks...and sent me running...realizing that I would always be last on the list.... |
