Most of the public defenders (lawyers) we are given by the State of Florida are paid by the state. It is an unwritten law to keep us alive and see that we receive a sentence of life in prison. Very few public defenders will work on issues that could lead to a reduced sentence and new trial so we can go free. They are severely under funded to investigate such matters in so many cases.

Basically, their only goal is to see that we get off death row and receive a sentence of life in prison. Once this happens we are left on our own to pay for a good lawyer and investigator to get our sentence reduced or to get a new trial. We are also given a one year time limit to raise this money (under these conditions) to hire a lawyer or we will be stuck in prison forever, and we will die under a life sentence.

With a lack of education and not being able to run a business from prison, we are forced to cry out for help in hopes that someone will fight for us or send donations so we can obtain the help we need.

On top of spending hours each day writing countless letters to ask for help (many of which never receive a response or reach their destination for whatever reason) it is an impossible task to work around the everyday conditions of this place...such as visits only once a week, lawyers that will not visit you, guards searching your cell at any time, unbearable heat in the summer, terrible cold in the winter, lack of access to a law library, yard only twice a week and showers only three times a week. Each of these conditions either adding pressure and stress to our situation here or completely wasting our time. Many grievances have to be filed each week to keep what we do have and need to continue our fight.

After 14 to 23 years of crying out for help and freedom, working up to 20 hours a day, 7 days a week, it becomes very discouraging when nothing is accomplished. It is even more amazing that Paul and I even continue this battle when so many others have given up...or never even tried.

The struggle to keep one's sanity through all of this year in and year out is quite a battle in itself, as we watch friends and loved ones die around us each year. Many times we have to deal with money hungry lawyers and investigators that only break their promises of freedom and steal what little money they can squeeze out of you and your family members. When your already limited resources are depleted you are no longer able to help yourself or fight for your freedom.

There is no time for normal life or relationships in this place of hell. There is no time to even dream of a life after prison if we are released. The only goal we allow ourselves to consider is the hope of a new trial or reduced sentence so that we can one day have freedom once again. Even then we will always be faced with being accused of a serious crime.

This mountain of injustice must be removed. If it can only be removed one stone at a time then we will die with a stone in our hands. At this time I would like to share a poem written for you. I hope that you will find meaning in it. Meaning that will touch your very heart and soul.

Condemned to Die

Why do they leave me here all alone to die? I hold out my hand and cry from the mountain tops and they just stare from afar... Not willing to help me as if it would endanger their own lives. But it will not, for they cannot be held for their actions if they were to only reach out a hand to save me. Am I not worthy? Have they no compassion? Is my life worth so little? Can they not see my tears? And do they not know I need help? Is it I oh Father that must reach out and help them? And bring them through this walk of Death that all of us must take? To comfort them along the way so that they will know our Lord is waiting? Take my hand then and follow me thy lost sheep, and we shall walk in the light as brothers and sisters and know that we are all God's children, free from all the injustice in this world...for it is not too late to care for and help one another on this walk of Death we must all take. May the blessings of our Father continue to bring comfort and peace to your soul. Amen

Today I am represented by an ex police officer who has read my case and is doing what he can to help. Paul is represented by a lovely young German lady. Although we still lack the funds for the proper computer equipment that would allow us to get the help we need, we have managed to borrow other computers and have put most of our documents on disks, as we slowly try to build a web site that we can eventually put on line. Through our website we will be able to ask for donations to our legal defense funds.

Previously Paul has had his own web site and received many donations but the lady who had promised to help him kept the money for her own personal use and now we have to learn everything for ourselves and make sure that it is in the hands of people we can truly trust...like our representatives.

It has not been an easy battle, but we do hope to have two computers soon with internet access so that we can contact many others for help. Shortly after doing this we also hope to present our own web site on line with a legal defense fund so we can proceed to hire the help we need to be released from prison.

Conditions in this new death row building are better than they were at Florida State Prison and for that I am grateful. The best part is that we do now have contact visits for 6 hours on Saturdays or Sundays each weekend. There are no roaches, rats or mice, but mosquitoes and ants continue to be a problem at times. The lighting is better and the cells are slightly bigger and, for the most part, dry.

The recreation yards are smaller with plenty of razor wire on top of the fence. With 28 men outside at a time it can seem fairly crowded. Exercise is often interrupted with hot tempers and large egos. 4 hours of sunlight each week is just not enough for anyone. The food here has gotten worse with time and we stay in constant battle with the state of Florida over the insanely high prices they charge us for canteen, snacks and dry goods.

In our small cells almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, we are not allowed to work or earn any money in any way, so we have to rely on loved ones and pen-friends for financial support. Without this support we would not even be able to write and plead for help and support. With so many television shows portraying prisoners to be such bad people it is extremely hard to find anyone who is willing to help, let alone support us here in any manner.

As each year passes more and more is taken from us...making it harder and harder to have contact with the outside world...making it harder and harder to ask for help in righting the wrongs that are committed against us each day.

On a lighter topic some small pleasures can be enjoyed here from time to time. An example of this would be hearing the song of a male bird, in the spring, as he proudly puffs up his chest and sings his beautiful songs outside our windows, desperately trying to win over the heart of some unsuspecting female bird during mating season. It is quite amazing to watch as he pours out his little heart and soul with all of this being.

I often wonder if I will ever have the chance to sing my songs of love ever again, trying to attract a mate of my own. This used to cause me great pain but I know that the wife I once had and the son we had together is truly more than any one man could ask for in 10 life times. I have accepted being alone, although I greatly miss the intimate contact I once shared with others, just a simple hug or the touch of a hand, or even warm, friendly eye contact would mean the world to me now. I do not feel it would be fair to another to drag them into my mess until I was sure that one day I would be free...no matter how much they wanted it to happen.

It seems ridiculous that all that stands between my freedom (and Paul's) is a small amount of money. But, it was poverty that landed us here so many years ago, and it is poverty that has kept us here. Of course it is not only Paul and me that suffer in this way, many here are stricken with the same poverty.

Occasionally we are able to see a beautiful sunrise or sunset. It would be wonderful to go outside at night again and look up to see the moon and the stars. Sometimes while being transported to another prison I find it breath taking to look out of the window as we drive down the road in a car or prison van. Given the chance on such a transport I will go out of my way to just walk on grass. Once I even pretended to trip so I could fall on the grass and roll around a moment before I got up.

There are so many things taken for granted by so many people that would truly mean the world to a man that has been on death row for over 10 years. More than three showers each week would be very nice, and being able to adjust the temperature on the shower water would be equally nice. Watching a television show on a colored tv would be extremely pleasing. Sitting in a comfortable chair, or sitting at a nice table to eat lunch with others once again would actually make me feel human for a change.

There are so many simple pleasures, such as these, that would mean the world to me today. Sometimes I wish I had never known any of them, so that I would not miss them now. I am grateful I have as much as I do in this small cage. I know it could be worse. But that is only speaking of material items, being on death row and knowing you may be executed, just waiting all of these years is inhumane. I wish they would have taken my life the very same day they found me guilty.

The emotional stress for me and everyone I know has been extremely hard. On top of that everyone tries to protect me from everything and won't tell me when bad things happen because they feel I have enough to deal with. It is also very tough to find out who your friends and family truly are, and when you come to a place like this you do find out. I thought I knew my family and friends well, when I was free. But I have learned that I never knew them at all.

Apparently they never knew me at all either. I have discovered that in order to really get to know someone you need to communicate with them face to face, on the telephone, and write letters for at least a year. Each of these allows you to say things that you would not normally be able to say because of embarrassment or other reasons. I lacked the letter writing part with my family and friends when I was free which is probably the most important part. It is a lost art today, and it may also be the reason so many relationships fail these days, however, with email there is now hope, as everyone is free to express themselves without a face to face confrontation.

One of the small comforts we have here is that we each have a very small black and white tv in our cells, but they basically cause more harm than good. Many men on death row simply watch tv all day long and will not even write a letter or work on their case. They just wait to be executed. They are also afraid to stand up for their rights here because if they get in trouble they will lose their tv and go to the hole for 30 days.

If we had nothing to lose a lot more would be accomplished around here, and in the courts, and more innocent men would be set free, so it is tough to deal with. Having to live in prison is like having to live with 2000 four year old children the size of full grown men. They all want their way, and they cry or get angry if they can't have their way. It will drive you insane, even if you like children. Many of the men here are dangerous, not so many on death row, but through out the prison system there are some very dangerous men.

Death row men are very calm and even nice people, for the most part. I have had several guards tell me that Death Row is the safest place to work in the prison system, because we are so nice and calm, no trouble at all. Most men here were told it was wrong and against the law to kill someone but no one was ever once told why it was wrong. Seeing so much on tv, people just shooting each other, leads some people to believe that they will not get caught if they do kill someone.

The Death Penalty will never be a deterrent to crime because almost everyone who commits a crime believes they will never get caught. The Death Penalty is useless for fighting crime. The only purpose it serves is to get rid of someone you do not want. Most murders take place because men want to simply get rid of a problem (person), and that is what the Death Penalty does, it is just a way to get rid of problem people. They do not mind if they kill a few innocent people along the way.

It is up to us to change the laws and right the wrongs, so please get involved or make a donation if possible. For more information please write:

Richard Shere #116320

UCI P-3110,7819 NW 228th St.

Raiford, FL 32026-4430 USA

http://www.deathrow.at/rick/

Mail to: demaze@msn.com