A major component of my calling of God is to counsel couples prior to and during their marriages. My own quest for a partner, along with many questions being bounced my direction involving others末both young and older末as well as in-depth mentoring with a number of singles, all have led me to write this essay on the Judeo-Christian ethic of match-making.
Several sources of information have been consulted to help find the answers末including "But and If Thou Marry" Dr. Roy Branson, JR., Th.D PhD. (Landmark Publications; P.O. Box 757; Bristol, TN 37621).Best advice from Pastor Branson involves two very basic concepts末and they are applicable across the board (young or older, single or previously married, etc.).
"Marital Training" (preparedness counseling from trusted & respected sources) should be given and both parties must be willing to accept and apply what is given in training. (See Proverbs 2:2-6)
For some young couples thinking of marrying, the best source of information is right under their noses末yet many either don稚 seek the counsel of their parents, or they ignore the advice given thereby. Parents are, in many ways, the first line of an example of how and what married life is all about. A sound marriage example, or the reverse, can often determine the success or failure a child will have in their future relationships.
There are times when the parents are not the best source (such as when they are not Biblically minded), but in general, parents末or even a single parent family--do/does have the ability to view a prospective relationship over time as to where it could be in a few years, etc. (Young people are often more concerned with the "here and now" than the future.) "Where they went wrong" in their judgements in the past can also teach progeny (if they listen) what traps to avoid. It has been noted in many sources that when parents approve of the partner their child selects to marry, the odds are FAR better that the marriage will be a success.
Conversely, when parents vehemently oppose a prospective partner, the odds do not favor the longevity of the union. If we are to follow American Civil law as the basis of preparing a person for eventual marriage when they become "of age" to do so, then "Marital Training" can begin long before the "dating game" is even started. Start when a child is 15-16, and continue it until their 18th birthday.
This training should be broad, and include all the "life skills" items needed for them to sustain themselves and their partner (if a boy), or to be a good help meet (if a girl). It should also impart the Biblical ethics involved with interpersonal, business, financial, matrimonial and related relationships between people in a civilized society.
If a single parent family, or a couple with a "child in training" are not able to give a particular portion of this advice (such as if both have worked for others their entire life, and do not understand self employment/business matters), then it is good that the parents select someone they know with these skills to help with those matters. Just sitting down for two hours and talking about being in business, for example, is a good start末but it is not a broad based learning program.
I have discovered that situational readings from the Torah can be a good place to gather the "wisdom of sages" if no other personal contact can be trusted. Visit www.torah.org for some rather advanced lessons in such matters. (http://www.torah.org/advanced/business-halacha/5757/ is the one on business.)
