Proving It to Ourselves

I spent a year trying to prove to my husband how much his drinking was
hurting me. When I began to recover, I realized I was the one who
needed to realize how much his drinking was hurting me. --Anonymous

I spent months trying to prove to a man I was dating how responsible
and healthy I was. Then I realized what I was doing. He didn't need to
realize how responsible and healthy I was. I did. --Anonymous


Trying to prove how good we are, trying to prove we're good enough,
trying to show someone how much he or she has hurt us, trying to show
someone we're understanding, are warning signs that we may be into our
self defeating behaviors.

They can be an indication that we are trying to control someone. They
can be an indication that we do not believe how good we are, that we're
good enough, that someone is hurting us.

They can be a warning that we've allowed ourselves to get hooked into a
dysfunctional system. They may indicate that we're stuck in the cloudy
fog of denial or doing something that is not good for us.

Trying excessively to make a point with another may mean that we have
not yet made that point with ourselves. Once we make that point with
ourselves, once we understand, we will know what to do.

The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously.
The issue is not about others believing we're good and good enough. The
issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or
loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others
realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling. We are the ones
that need to see the light.

Today, God, help me let go of my need to control outcomes by
influencing the beliefs of others. I will concentrate on accepting
myself, rather than trying to prove something about myself. If I catch
myself in the codependent trap of trying to emphasize something about
myself to another, I will ask myself if I need to convince myself at
that point.





The Language of Letting Go.