Rules for a happy marriage
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Never both be angry at the same time.
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Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
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If one of you HAS to win an argument, let it be your mate.
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If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
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Never bring up mistakes of the past.
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Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
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Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
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At least once every day try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your life's partner.
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When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
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It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.
Woman to Woman...
Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!
Someone will always be prettier. They will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their husband will fix more things around the house. So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it...
The prettiest woman in the world can have turmoil in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children. And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be very lonely. And the word says if I have not Love, I am nothing. So, again, love you.
Love who you are...
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say "I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."
Be Blessed ladies... "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world".
The Chatty Wife
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir" The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector The man growls at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
You'll love this part.........
"Only when he's been drinking."
Football Analysis by a Blonde
A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all
the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing
each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then
for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!"
Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents!
Bowling Tournament
Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team, down below, is wooping it up and having a great time until one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, and she decides to investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds the blonde team staring straight ahead at the road, frozen in fear, clutching the seats in frount of them with white knuckles. "Whats goimg on up here?" asks the brunette. "We're having a great time downstairs!"
"Yeah," screams a terrified blonde, "but you've got a driver!"
Haircuts - women's and men's versions
Women's version...
Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman1: Oh God, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts -- I think that would look so cute. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman1: Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms -- see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier . . .
Men's version...
Man1: Haircut?
Man2: Yup.
It's wondrous what a hug can do, A hug can cheer you when you're blue.
A hug can say, "I love you so.", Or, "Gee! I hate to see you go."
A hug is, "Welcome back again." A hug can soothe a small child's pain,
And bring a rainbow after rain. The hug! There's just no doubt about it,
We scarcely could survive without it. A hug delights and warms and charms,
It must be why God gave us arms. Hugs are great for fathers and mothers,
Sweet for sisters, swell for brothers, And chances are some uncles and aunts
Love them more than potted plants. Kittens crave them. Puppies love them.
Heads of state are not above them. A hug can break the language barrier,
And make the dullest day seem merrier. No need to fret about the store of them,
The more you give, the more there are of them. So stretch those arms without delay
And give someone a hug today.
