Volume 12 Souvenir issue
2012 LONDON OLYMPICS SPECIAL
100% pure malice
THE BOOT
Running jumping and skipping it all into touch
THE GOLD RUSH IS ON!
All over Britain alarm clocks are ringing way before sunrise as millions of anxious parents wake their mini runners and jumpers for special Olympic training. Olympic glory beckons and The BOOT is behind them all the way!
'As chief sponser of the games I feel we have a duty to ensure our nations youth don't miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity.' Says Bazz Bazzley, editor-in-chief of The BOOT as we caught up with him in the snuggery at The Red Lion public House just off Chorley High Street. 'For example my daughter Roseanna aged ten is already lifting weights way beyond her capabilities and Duncan my son, aged 12, is running the M25 before he's even had breakfast...they love it!
When asked if he was up and out before sunrise to offer moral support, Bazzley ordered gutter brews all round and staggered off to the gents clutching his new Polish secretary Miss Petronella Pantiesoff and twenty Benson king size, muttering something about 'Golden showers, showers of gold' At which point your reporters made their excuses and left.
Reporters: Bingo Baily and Roz Rozzley
... HOW TO TURN ONE OF THESE INTO ONE OF THESE - IN JUST SIX YEARS...
...Drugs! And now six years before the games we believe it's a good time to start feeding your junior athlete copious amounts of them so that by the time he/she's tested in five there won't be a trace found. For the full article ...
...There's gold in them thar' pills...
...see 'Oi' - our free colour suppliment featuring: Heinz Baked Beta Blockers
Kellogs Ketamine Flakes
Snap Crack and Poppers...and much more!
Read 'Oi' for all the stories - real people real drug problems - we love it!
EXTRA EXTRA... GOSSIP ALL ABOUT IT
Paedo or speedo?
SHOCK NEWS...ace BOOT reporter Bingo Bailey was arrested today for hanging around the Tooting Lido while trying to spot future Olympic talent amongst the kids splashing around in the shallow end of this vast but decaying South London training facility...The BOOT says FREE BINGO now!
