People spend copious amounts of time searching for "the one" and constantly seem to end up with someone who is not so perfect for them. If the relationship even gets off the ground, usually they find that it doesn’t last very long, and before they know it, they’ve had their hearts trampled on, their feelings crushed and their self-esteem dented.

The problem with this is simply that each time you choose the wrong person, and it doesn’t work out, you lose a little of your confidence. The questions that usually arise from people at this time are "Why does this always happen to me?" or "Why do I always attract the wrong people?" Most people at this stage feel quite dejected and can often put themselves into the negative pattern of feeling sorry for themselves. It’s not unusual to feel like giving up at this point, however, most people realise that ultimately, if they do give up, then they will spend their lives alone and with no one. Nobody wants this, so they find themselves once again, getting back on the horse and riding off into the sunset to find the next "heartbreaker."

This is a vicious pattern that can go on for years, each time breaking down the person’s confidence, making them feel "less" of a person and affecting their ability to continue getting back on that horse. Have you ever heard someone or maybe yourself say…"I always find the losers, or I only attract people who will hurt me." The truth is, as long as you keep thinking this way the losers are all you will attract.

Another common mistake people make when looking for love is to take whatever comes along. They don’t want to be alone, so the figure that anyone is better than no-one. They might have a high attraction to this person, but don’t bother to look at their common ground. Being attracted to a person is important, however, having things in common and liking the person is just as important. If you don’t get along with the person, then you really shouldn’t be in that relationship. Compatibility is very important in any relationship. It can be the difference between being happy and contented and being miserable. If you simply go with whatever comes along without looking into things a lot further, you could easily find yourself in a relationship that does not satisfy you in any way and be completely unhappy. A relationship like this can go on for quite a period, before it finally comes crashing down. It will end, the question is when and how much damage has been done to your self confidence and self esteem in the meantime.

In saying that, it does not matter if you don’t have everything in common with this person, however it is important that you both have the same goals, like some of the same things and are able to interact with one another happily.

Sometimes, people try to set you up with someone who they think is suitable for you. This can sometimes be a friend of your friend, one of their work colleagues or someone else they know. Your friends goal here is to see that you are no longer alone and they are usually not too particular in who they choose for you to date. As far as they see it…anyone will do, so long as you are not on your own anymore. I am sure you have experienced this situation before or know of someone that has. Very rarely does it actually work out. If you’ve been in this situation yourself, you would already know how uncomfortable it can make you feel. You have no idea who this person is, what they are about or sometimes even what they look like. Your friends have painted a good picture; however, they would probably say anything to get you to agree to try it out. Your friends truly have your best interests at heart when they do this and truly only want to see you happy, however, more times than not, it only causes you more problems than you had to begin with.

If you’ve experienced this situation with your friends, please know that your friends don’t mean any harm. They simply want to see you happy and that is their only motive. To find someone for you that is perfect. They don’t like to see you go through all the heartache and decide that they "know" what you need. They know you, know what you like and think they have a good idea of what would suit you best. Usually, they don’t have any better idea than you.

What you need to start considering, is that if you are still in the cycle of picking the "wrong" people, you haven’t worked out for yourself what you want in a life partner. You have to decide what it is you are looking for first. No-one can decide this for you!

The person you are looking for is out there, I can guarantee that. However, unless you know what it is you really want then how do you expect to find them? In all honesty you can’t.

So that leaves you with two choices. You can continue looking for the "wrong" people and go from heartbreak to heartbreak, or you can take some time out and really assess what it is you want. You may think you know already what you are looking for, but can you honestly say that you have covered every base? Looking around the love sites on the internet, I see people who say they are looking for this or that in a person. This is fantastic, but have you considered looking at what they don’t want? Have they investigated themselves totally to assess whether they have what they are asking for? Do they have any plan in place to find this person or will they just take whatever comes along? What category do you fit into here?

Do you want to stop the constant cycle of choosing the "wrong" people and start moving forward? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to show you exactly how to work out what you want and what you desire.

Written by Marni Homer

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