Gollum vs. Smeagol

*Gollum is sitting in a cave, looking even more disturbed than usual*

Gollum: Something's not quite right, my love...

Smeagol: You're being paranoid, precious.

Gollum: No, I'm not. Don't you find it worrying how Alki managed to find the hobbit?

Smeagol: It's being silly, precious.

Gollum: No I'm not! She tracked him down, why not us?

Smeagol: We're not as pretty as blue-eyes.

Gollum: She wants us, precious.

Smeagol: No. Silly nazgirls want pretty elf and grubby ranger. Not us.

Gollum: She might like us...

Smeagol: We isn't pretty enough!

Gollum: Not you, but crazy girl might come after me. I am a sex symbol.

Smeagol: No you isn't. You is lying.

Gollum: Musn't be jealous, my love. We must work together to avoid nasssty Pip and Alki.

Smeagol: We would've seen them if they was after us. They isn't.

Gollum: We'll be checking for bugses.

Smeagol: *perking up* Crunchable bugses? Wormses?

Gollum: No, silly. Spying. Nassty Yesse peoples wouldn't have found out about us without special spying equipment.

Smeagol: Alright, you go.

Gollum: No, you go.

Smeagol: Fine, we go together.

*Gollum stands up and scampers over to a corner. There is a little camera there.*

Gollum: See! What did I tell you?

Smeagol: *worried* How did it get here, precious? We's always watching...

Gollum: You must have let them in!

Smeagol: No! Smeagol doesn't want front-page news!

Gollum: You betrayed us! Now nasty Pip will come and take us!!

Smeagol: Never!

Gollum: Keep away from us, nassty spy! Leave us alone!

Smeagol: No! It's not true! YOU'RE the spy!!

Gollum: Leave us alone! *runs away* Don't follow! Leave us alone!

Smeagol: You is following me!!

*Pip walks in*

Smeagol: Precious betrayed us!!!

Pip: Hi, guys.

Gollum: Go away!

Pip: Sorry. Since Alki got sent to the circus, I've needed an Asst. manager. Will you take her place?

Smeagol: They wants me! Not coz of lookses, coz of my intellect!

Pip: Yes, dear. Come along. *holds out hand*

Gollum: I'm coming too. Me too!

Pip: *sighing* Ok Gollum, you can be a roadie.

Gollum: RESULT!