Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, bla bla. Well, I own myself, obviously.
When Alki met Frodo: El fin de la trilogia
*Frodo is sitting his study, having what seems like a very serious discussion with his lawyers*
Frodo: The thing is, she tricked me- *Alki bursts in*
Alki: HI FRODO!!
Frodo: Alksirwen, I'm in the middle of a meeting-
Alki: Tough! Where's my cauliflower?
Frodo: Your cauliflower?
Alki: I left it on the kitchen table. WHERE IS IT??
Frodo: Why would I know? I don't care about your damn cauliflower!
Alki: *Looking at him suspiciously* Don't think I'm not onto you.... *goes out*
Frodo: You see? She's completely insane! Yesterday my scarf got stuck on the fence, and she set fire to it! I nearly got burnt!
Lawyer 1: Well, there is no proof that she tricked you into the marriage.
Frodo: She told me it was a birthday card!
Lawyer 2: *snickering* How stupid are you?
Laywer1: Anyway, you can't get a marriage annulled because of insanity... it's unethical!
Frodo: Go look in the kitchen.
*Lawyer 1 exits and goes into the kitchen. Alki is sitting there, wearing a bowler hat.*
Alki: HELLO! Welcome to Alki's zoo! *handing him a bag of peanuts*
Laywer 1: This is... nice. *looks at caged vegetables*
Alki: You can't feed them, though. They'll get ill. *looks at Laywer evilly* THEY'LL GET ILL!
*Laywer is backed against the wall*
Alki: *cheerily* And we wouldn't want that, would we??
*Laywer 1 runs back into the study*
Laywer1: Ok, I see your point.
Lawyer 2: Your friend Fatty's married to that mad lass from Bree, he doesn't care.
Frodo: But he CHOSE to marry her. She's going to kill me! She's barmy!
*Looking outside, Alki runs full speed at the window. She bashes into it and fall sback on the grass*
Frodo: And she has it in for me.... not to mention the people she brings home. I'm blind in my right eye thanks to her friend Kate.
Lawyer 2: I think she's..... quaint. It's nice to have someone refreshingly witty around.
Frodo: I will pay you with three rubies to take her away from me!
*Alki is being shaken awake by Frodo*
Alki: Where's the fire?
Frodo: Come, Alki, we're going on a trip to the zoo.
Alki: *happily* A real zoo?
Frodo: Yep.
Alki: Will there be llamas?
Frodo: Of course. Come on, up you get.
*Alki gets up and tugs on a jacket*
Frodo: Into the cart. *points to a big wagon*
Alki: Can I drive?
Frodo: No, Alki, you have to sit in the back.
Alki: According to your wish. *Clambers excitedly into the back of the wagon* HEY GET OFF! *Men are putting her into a strait-jacket* FRODO! HELP! IT HURTS!!
Frodo: Sorry Alki, you have to go home.
Alki: *The wagon is already driving off* FRODOOOOO!!
Frodo: Bye, Alki. *goes inside house*
*Frodo wakes up and stretches over to hug the person beside him. Alki is gone. He sighs and gets up to pour himself some tea. He looks at the caged lemon. Cue sad music. Frodo goes over to the window.*
Frodo: *to band outside.* BUGGER OFF!!
*Sits down and sighs, then stands up and runs out of the front door*
*Setting: A mental home. Frodo is walking along the corridor, until he comes to the last cell. Alki is in there*
Frodo: .... Hello, Alksirwen.
*Alki looks at him, angry*
Frodo: I'm er..... sorry about the whole tricking you thing. I brought you this. *Takes out lemon*
Alki: *snatches lemon* Oh, Percy! What did he do to you, my love?
Frodo: I have something to tell you, Alki.
Alki: NO! I hate it here! Leave me alone! The guards are always watching! *Points to one-way mirror* They think I don't know... *Behind the mirror, the guards are whispering 'She knows! Quick! Abort plan! Abort plan!'*
Frodo: Alki... you're just being paranoid.
Alki: It's horrid here. They took away my dignity, my freedom, my..... CUCUMBER! *starts weeping bitterly*
Frodo: It's boring without you, Alki.
Alki: Well that's too bad.
Frodo: You're coming home with me.
*Frodo wakes up, and hears stange noises coming from the kitchen. He goes in, to see Alki iggling hysterically. She pushes a cake towards Frodo.*
Alki: I made you a cake!
Frodo; WOW! Cake is the best thing in thw world, apart from breeches!
Alki: I know! You talk about it in your sleep.
Frodo: I do? You talk about left-handed scissors. *Cuts into the cake. There is a look of horror on his face* What is this.....?
Alki: Ah well, I was in quite a strange mood, and so I baked breeches into the cake.
*Frodo pulls cake-covered breeches out of the cake.*
Frodo: *screaming out of the window* OK! I DID THE SENTIMENTAL THING!
Alki: Huh?
Frodo: GET HER! *three men with handlebar mustaches bundle her into a wagon*
Alki: What's going on??
Frodo: You're going to join the zoo!
Alki: YESSSSSSS!!! *the men cover her up with a blanket* YES!!
Man 1: Signor Frodo, your payment. *hands him five diamonds* The tourists will love this....
*wagon starts driving off*
Alki: THANKYOU FRODO! KATE CAN TAKE MY PLACE NOW!!
*Kate jumps out of a bush*
Kate: Hello, dear. *handcuffs herself to him.* Now you can never escape.
Frodo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry, dear friends, but this is the last one. All good things come in trilogies! Plus, it'd be kinda hard with Alki in an Italian zoo......
