When Pip met Leggy
*Legolas is wandering along a wooded path in Mirkwood. Suddenly there is a loud siren and a girl in police uniform jumps out*
Leggy: Whoa! What did I do?
Girl: I'm afraid you'll have to be coming with me, Mr. Greenleaf.
Leggy: Um..... OK. Officer.....
Girl: Pip. Officer Pip. *takes out handcuffs* If you please...
Leggy: NO!!
Pip: *sigh* Don't make me get out my mace....
Leggy: Alright, alright.... *allows himself to be handcuffed*
Pip: Ok.... let's go. *bundles him into car*
Leggy: This isn't a police station!!
Pip: Yeh, hi. It isn't. Cupcake? *offers platter of cupcakes*
Leggy: *knocking over plate* Take me home!
Pip: *angry about cakes* Pick. Them. UP!!
Leggy: *scared* OK, ok.
Pip: Anyway..... welcome to your new home.
Leggy: I liked the forest......
Pip: Your new home. If you look here, this is where you'll sleep *points to dog basket*
Leggy: I'm not sleeping in that like some common canine!
Pip: You'll do as you're told. Or you'll suffer the consequences.
Leggy: Can I go home now?
Pip: No.
*pause*
Leggy: How about now?
Pip: What do you think?
Leggy: Think.....?
Pip: ANYWAY..... make yourself comfy. *goes out*
*Leggy sits in basket, looking pissed off. Suddenly, a girl pops her head around the door*
Girl: Pip? You in here? *notices Leggy. Is shocked* But you're.... you're.....
Leggy: What?
Girl: LEGOLAS!!!
Leggy: Why do you know who I am...?
Girl: Oh. My. GOD! *calls out of door* Girls, come in here!!
*a whole hoard of Nazgirls come into the room, chanting 'Leg-o-las, Leg-o-las'*
Leggy: Pip......? Help me........
Nazgirls: GET HIM!!!
*the nazgirls chase him out of the room. Pip comes in with a tray of biscuits*
Pip: Leggy, I brought you some bisc- Hey!! Where are you?? *throws down tray* Dammit!! *noticing perfume in the air.* NAZGIRLS!!
*runs out of room*
Nazgirls: Leggy, come down, we won't hurt.....
Leggy: *he is at the top of a tree* NEVER! Leave me alone, foul beasts!
Nazgirls 27: Don't you just love it when he's rude...
Nazgirls: Ooh... yes...
*enter Pip*
Pip: What in the name of Eru is going on here??
Nazgirl 72: Leggy is here! Quick, get a place, he'll be coming down soon....
Leggy: No I won't!!
Nazgirl 12: Oh come down.... we only want to see you....
Leggy: NEVER!!!
*3 hours later. The last nazgirls have gone away. Only Pip and Leggy are there*
Pip: They've gone. You can come down now.
Leggy: Not likely! I'm staying here, away from you!!
Pip: Leggy.... come down.....
Leggy: NO!
Pip: I'll call the fire brigade then....
Leggy: GOOD!
*pause*
Leggy: ok, ok, I'm sorry, I'll come home.... just don't hurt me.....
THE END
