When Alki met Frodo

*Frodo is sitting in a field. He hears untuneful whistling, and runs to the side of the road, where a hooded stranger is sitting in a cart*

Frodo: Oh.... You're not Gandalf.

Stranger: Nope, you're quite right. *Takes off cloak* I'm Alki.

Frodo: Oh. What are you doing here, then? Where's Gandalf? *Looks pointedly at moving bag in the cart*

Alki: Never you mind, Frodo Baggins. Just get in the damn cart.

Frodo: Yes sir. *Gets into cart*

*There is an awkward silence as they drive along.*

Frodo: So...... where are you from?

Alki: Born and raised in Buckland.

Frodo: You look kind of tall to be a hobbit.....

Alki: What are you implying??

Frodo: ........that you're not a hobbit.

Alki: It's none of your business if I was raised by the Ents!

Frodo: You just said you were raised in Buckland!!

Alki: Oh.......My mistake.

Frodo: Anyway, if you could just drop me off here.....

Alki: We're in the middle of a field, Frodo. Just give me directions to your house.

Frodo: Ok then..... *looks uncertain*

---

*Frodo wakes up, rubs his eyes, and teeters into the kitchen. He pours himself a cup of tea and sits down at the table. He scratches his leg, then looks under the table*

Frodo: ARRRRRG!!!

Alki: *Jumping out from under the table* HI FRODO!!

Frodo: Jesus Christ! What are you doing here?

Alki: I was bored......

Frodo: So you thought you'd hide under my table??

Alki: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Frodo: Ok. Bugger off, now, I have things to do.

Alki: it's ok, I went through your diary and cancelled all of your arrangements.

Frodo: You did WHAT??

Alki: No need to thank me.... now. Are you going to sign this birthday card for Alksirwen, or what?

Frodo: Aren't you Alksirwen.

*Pause*

Alki: Gi..... NEVER YOU MIND!!

Frodo: *Sigh* Ok, ok, I'll sign it. *Signs piece of paper, mumbling* It's not even a real card......

Alki: Pardon?

Frodo: Nothing, nothing........

Alki: Here's your ring, Frodo. *Holds out ring*

Frodo: You stole my ring?? Give it back!! *thinking, HAHA, now I can escape. He doesn't turn invisible*

Frodo: What the greasy poop is going on?

Alki: *Grinning* Come on, Frodo, kiss me.

Frodo: What?? No!

Alki: You have to kiss your wife!!

Frodo: You're not my wife!

Alki: Oh no? *Holds up marriage certificate*

Frodo: What.......? *Looks at ring* YOU FU---

And they lived happily ever after. The end.

Click on the happily wed Frodo to read the sequel.