Journal of Tabitha
Here's a chronology of her life (and ours) so far:
The year before: We plan on another baby and talk about names. The only name we really like is Tabitha - can't even think of a boy's name we want!
Sept 26, 2003 - Cami ends up at the emergency room with abdominal pain and a blood test reveals she is 2 weeks pregnant. Ultrasound can't find anything and an ectopic pregnancy is suspected. The pain gets better. We are told to wait.
October 3, 2003 - Toby wakes up covered in spots. A trip to the pediatrician gives us the diagnosis - Coxsackie Virus - which Cami catches. It is dangerous in early pregnancy and we are worried.
October 21, 2003 - Ultrasound reveals that the baby is not ectopic and has a heartbeat (good news!) and that Cami has an enormous cyst which has been causing the abdominal pain. It will likely go away on its own. The due date for the baby is June 7, 2004
Mid-November, 2003 - Another ultrasound reveals the cyst is shrinking slowly and the baby is doing well.
November end, 2003 - We start telling people we are pregnant.
January 9, 2004 - Routine ultrasound gives the diagnosis of anencephaly. Two technicians confer in the ultrasound room but won't tell us what is wrong. The radiologist sends the report to our obstetrician. She calls to give us the news. We send an email out to everyone we can think of, asking them to pray.
January 12, 2004 - We fast and pray. We begin to feel that we need to believe for healing for the baby. Both of us, without talking to the other, start to feel that we are going to have a girl.
January 11, 2004 - We go forward after church to pray for healing. Several pray over us and ask for healing and strength for us.
January 13, 2004 - We visit the maternal/fetal monitoring specialist in Albany and his technician, then the doctor himself, confirms the diagnosis. Termination is offered to us an an option. However, we won't consider it. They tell us we are having a girl, and we name her Tabitha before we leave. That night, we send an email to everyone giving them the news. Now the journey really begins.
January 14, 2004 - Cami wakes up at 4 am and starts thinking "Wasn't the Tabitha in the New Testament healed?". She goes back to sleep and awakens at 6 am to read the Bible. Yes, there it is in Acts 9. Peter says "Tabitha, arise!" and raises her from the dead. Kevin thinks it is a sign. Cami is not so sure. But nevertheless we are encouraged.
January 15, 2004 - We visit our pastor, who encourages us and affirms our desire to believe for healing. He speaks to our church that Sunday while we are out of town, asking everyone in the church to believe for healing.
Meanwhile, the emails and phone calls continue to come in from all over the world . . . people are praying. We are encouraged but still heartbroken over the news. Toby is such a comfort. The message we feel God is giving us is to believe
"UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE".
We must be sensitive to what his will is, and hear him if he says "No". Kevin has many opportunities to speak to others about what God is doing in our lives, people who would never have been open before.
January 21, 2004 - We see the obstetrician, who tells us that only 50% of these babies even survive until the due date, and many die during birth. Possible complications include an excess of amniotic fluid during the last trimester (danger of uterine rupture for Cami), the placenta pulling away from the uterine wall, and a difficult delivery. Cami must visit their office every two weeks to monitor fluid levels and see if the baby still has a heartbeat. Good news is that no matter the circumstance we can deliver at the same small hospital where Toby was born. Our doctor is very supportive of our decision to carry to term. All this news is very discouraging, though we know it needed to be told. It brings up the grim possibilities, however. It is difficult to trust God and not be fearful, and we continue to try. He will sustain us. We try to take one day at a time. Friends encourage us and many tell us that they believe God will heal Tabitha. We continue to go to work and live our daily lives, and continue telling friends who have not heard the news. It is difficult to see our loved ones suffer with this news.
January 24, 2004 - We believe God is telling us to HAVE FAITH and to be peaceful about the future. It is time for us to stop obsessing about the possible outcomes here and focus on who God is and His relationship to us. We are beginning a new adventure of learning about faith. It is terrifying. What does He have to teach us?
January 30, 2004 - Kevin compares our faith to that of the widow who believed in Elijah's promise of sustenance (I Kings 17). We have a tiny bit of faith, which we keep pouring out and it just keeps coming. Not through our own strength, but through God's power.
March 4, 2004 - The journey continues much the same. Some days we are up, some days we are down. Tabitha is kicking very strongly these days. A few weeks ago we started asking God for a sign. After about a week, Cami started feeling that the answer on this was "no", that we should continue to wait. Kevin continued to hope for a sign and struggled with this. God shows his mercy to us daily, often sending encouragement through friends or books, or scripture, just minutes after we pray for encouragement. Many of our friends continue to be faithful and keep in contact with us to offer encouragement. Many are praying.
May 25, 2004 - Another ultrasound is done since Cami's belly is a bit big, and it shows that there is too much amniotic fluid.
April 16, 2004 - At the dr's visit, Cami's belly is measuring way too big for how far along the pregnancy is, so another ultrasound is done. It shows an excessive amount of Amniotic fluid, a condition called Polyhydramniosis. The dr's start to talk about having to do a c-section soon.
April 23, 2004 - The belly continues to grow too quickly and the dr's talk about intervening soon. Our faith in Tabitha's healing is being tested. . . friends pray with us and our church continues to pray for us. We receive many emails and phone calls of encouragement.
April 27, 2004 - The size goes up again and a c-section is scheduled for May 5th. There is another dr's appt. scheduled soon to check on the belly size. We pray for more time, trusting in God's timing for the delivery. We are trying to decide if removal of some of the amniotic fluid is a course we want to take (results usually only last 48 hours).
May 2, 2004 - A pastor from Hungary visits our church and says he has some words for parents whose child is very sick. We go forward and he prays over us. He says that god is saying "I have given you this child. Return her to me." "I know your hearts. I love much better than you". He holds us and sobs in front of the whole church. We are comforted.
May 5, 2004 - Tabitha is born and dies. See Tabitha's birthday. We are disappointed and we don't know what to say. She was so beautiful.
May 7, 2004 - Cami comes home from the hospital. We were able to hold Tabitha again for a couple of hours and talk and sing to her.
May 8, 2004 - We go to the funeral home to close her casket. Inside, she is wrapped in a blanket of Toby's, with locks of Cami's hair along with Grandma Sally and Aunt Julia. We put letters inside that we and others have written her, a tiny bear from Grandpa Ken and a handmade bib from Grandma Carol. Inside her jacket we put photos of us. Under her feet we place a beautiful party dress.
May 11, 2004 - Tabitha's memorial service. About 100 people attend and it is a beautiful service.
May 12, 2004 - We travel to Ohio to the family farm.
May 15, 2004 - Tabitha's funeral and burial. Aunt Jane and Grandpa made a beautiful wooden cross with her name and a gazelle on it which will stay in place until we have her headstone set in place in the fall. It is so hard to say goodbye to her and drive back to New York.
