Suggestions for Personal Support Friends
First, take care of yourself. Set boundaries so that you don't put others' problems before your own recovery.
Be patient. Remember that it took time for the negative mind to take over and that time is needed to allow the actual mind to regain control.
A good idea is to have the Friend set a goal or make a plan and commit it to you. For example, one might tell you the plan to eat three times that day, or to not eat chips or dessert that day, or to not purge that day, then E-mail to let you know whether or not the goal was met. One might call you before grocery shopping to commit to buying only what is on the list, then call again after shopping to report the success (or failure - honesty is important).
Instead of offering advice, share what you've done in a similar situation. If the Friend is having a problem with which you have had no experience, you can't go wrong by simply listening. You don't have to say anything.
Words of encouragement include: "I'm glad you wrote and talked about that", "I hope you find a solution soon", "Good luck with that", "I know you'll find a way", "Keep up the good work", "Please write again", "I believe in you", "It will get better", etc.
Don't say, "I know how you feel." A more suitable response might be, "I've experienced something similar to that. I felt. . . "
Ask often how the Friend is feeling. "How do you feel about that?" "How did that make you feel?" "How are you feeling today?"
If the Friend is having a difficult time stating a feeling, you might try a comment such as, "You seem angry," or "You must be scared." If you're wrong, the Friend will let you know.
Assure the Friend that the feelings are normal and okay.
If someone asks you to be her PSF, but then doesn't keep in touch, she may be testing to see if you care enough to keep in touch with her. Write (or call if you've decided to exchange phone numbers). However, it is the responsibility of the Friend to keep in contact with the PSF, not for the PSF to keep tabs on the Friend.
