STEP FIVE
Accept that my coping mechanisms are no longer producing the desired results.
Everyone has a coping mechanism. Even an extremely healthy person who would not abuse drugs, acohol, food, shopping, sex, or gambling, still has a way to deal with stress when life gets overwhelming. Some may spend too much time on the Internet, watching TV, playing video games, sleeping, playing music too loudly - anything to drown out one's thoughts and feelings and to escape reality for a little while. That's ok, as long as it doesn't become a constant habit prohibiting one from eventually facing the problems presented by life.
We listed our shortcomings in Step Four. The list can help us see the reality of the situation. It can also help us learn why we've done what we have and how the behavior is not working for us anymore so we can figure out a new way to get what we want and need.
After each item on your list, write the desired effect, then the actual effect. Can you think of a more healthy way to achieve your goal or desired effect?
Below are reflection questions followed by some examples of how to work this exercise.
What activities could I do in place of the unhealthy behaviors?
How else could I achieve my goals or desired effects?
Do I use the DERP Tools? How are they helpful?
EXAMPES:
Shortcoming: I count my calories and won't allow myself to eat more than (a set amount) in a day, and exercise (a certain amount) of time each day.
Desired effect: To feel in control. To feel and be healthy. To be thin and beautiful so everyone will think I am perfect and will like me.
Actual effect: I get hungry and want more food and feel out of control. I get weak, tired, crabby, and faint from not eating enough. I've overstressed my knee and my heart is strained. I spend so much time at the gym and grocery store that I don't have much time to socialize. I can't go out with others to events where there is food because it's difficult to not eat it and people wonder why I don't. People are concerned about me and get frustrated or angry with me. I isolate and have no friends or social life and am not healthy physically, emotionally, nor spiritually.
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Shortcoming: I throw up my food.
Desired effect: I can eat what I want and I won't get fat and no one will know I have a problem.
Actual effect: My weight fluctuates. I'm dehydrated, my throat hurts, I'm wasting my money, I feel guilty and ashamed so I don't relate well with others and they sense I have a problem.
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Shortcoming: I binge and eat too much.
Desired effect: To be able to socialize with all my friends and at every event and be able to indulge in and enjoy all the good food served. To have something to do when I'm home alone.
Actual effect: I don't fully enjoy parties because I fear people are watching how much I'm eating and judging me. I'm overweight, embarrassed, unhealthy. I awake feeling sick and can't do what I want because I don't have the energy.
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(again)
What activities could I do in place of the unhealthy behaviors?
How else could I achieve my goals or desired effects?
Do I use the DERP Tools? How are they helpful?
