STEP ONE
Admit that I've been living in a disorderly and unhealthy manner.
The first step is to be able to say honestly to ourselves, "Yes, I have an eating disorder, and that disorder takes over my whole life, not just my eating. There is a negative voice in my head which has taken over my actual mind and causes disorder."
When study time for school or sleep the night before work is sacrificed in order to stay up late participating in unhealthy behavior, that's living in a disorderly manner. Driving all over town, stopping at several different stores in order to lessen the embarrassment of buying or stealing lots of food or laxatives is disorderly. Exercising beyond exhaustion is too much of a good thing; it is no longer a healthy activity when it overtaxes the body. On the other hand, making excuses and not getting enough exercise is also unhealthy. Orderly behavior does not constitute hiding food, nor wasting it.
Food is a gift of the earth and deserves to be respected, not abused. To ignore, hide, or throw away food is abusing it. To gorge on food until it makes one sick is abusing it. Not nourishing oneself with enough food, or stuffing in too much food, or forcing oneself to purge food are not ways that are healthy.
All these actions help to make us feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, weak, sick, depressed, scared, angry, confused. Feelings of being different from others can emerge which can prevent us from being able to relate to other people. We can feel the bearer of a secret and that no one else would understand. Utter loneliness can set in.
As disordered eaters our behavior, appearance, and bad health cause others to worry. When people worry about us, we don't have balanced, give-and-take relationships. One must grow tired of trying to relate with someone who behaves the way we have been. We each need to decide that we don 't want to continue hiding, lying, fighting, nor continue down the path toward destruction, hurting ourselves, our relationships, and our chances in life.
How have I eaten or behaved in a manner that can be considered disorderly or unhealthy?
What negative messages have I been believing?
If I were to eat as healthy people do, how would I feel about not being different?
