Divorce Care & Support
Newcomers Guide
What is DCS?
In some ways DCS is like a hospital. Folks come here because they have had a major emotional accident.
DCS's primary aim is to heal.
For some the accident may have happened a while ago, but the patient 
still has the wounds which they tried to treat themselves, but which keep surfacing. The longer the time since the accident, the longer these wounds can take to become visible.
Some folk of course come in to our Accident And Emergency Room with bells ringing 
and it is quite remarkable how folk who themselves recently were the walking wounded, rush to attend the A&E to provide support and succour. It is quite amazing to witness how wonderfully well those nearer to their pain are at empathising with the latest arrivals. They know how they felt when they arrived and so have an idea of how you do too.
If You are Feeling Bad, Let us Know
So if you are feeling really bad or desperate just say so on the Message Board (see Tutorials link below) and you'll get attention. The same goes for the Chat Room, if you feel that you are being overlooked just holler and someone will engage with you.
But of course A&E is only the start of the healing process and as time passes the patient needs to talk, to try and make sense of this so painful experience which they cannot understand. A lot of talk goes on in the Chat Room and as folk gain each others trust on Instant Messenger and the Message Board is the place where everyone can share their experiences and what helped them.
We Need "Senior Members"
No person obviously wounded through a divorce gets discharged by DCS, but everyone is free to discharge themselves. Indeed they are encouraged to move on ( we need the beds
) but they are most welcome to come back and visit either old friends or the strangers who are the friends they have not met yet, to offer them what they got whilst here and what they have learned since leaving.
Folk who have experienced divorce a while ago and are surviving are also welcome, a bit like the hospital volunteers who visit those who have no close friends or relatives to share their pain with. In that sharing both are helped.
DCS Promotes Non Judgemental, Uncondtional Love
Like any hospital there has to be room for other things in life, like humour, argument, romance even but the primary aim of DCS is to heal through the power of non judgemental and, as far as is humanly possible, unconditional love.
Sometimes because members are in a lot of pain unhealthy arguments occur and the primary objective is endangered. Discord is inevitable in all walks of life (and cyber life) and if it is being prolonged, the managers have to take unwelcome discharging steps for the benefit of other hurting members and those that have not had the emotional accident yet, but could walk through the door at any time.
So there's the scene, its up to newcomers to decide if this is the place to get help, whether its a bee line for the A&E or whether their wounds are not so obvious and they need help to identify them and talk about them. But do remember that pain makes folk vulnerable, so please try to be sensitive to that underlying point.
Where the hospital analogy falls down is that there are no professionals staffing the place and all the time responding and sharing is freely given. But that just makes DCS more amazing, miraculous even.
Ok, thanks for taking the time to get oriented, now go ahead and find how to get around our healing hospital.
You Can Survive Divorce
The first thing you need to do is to take a deep breath. Of course you're panicked. Of course you believe that the world is crashing in around you. That's what you're supposed to be feeling. The fact is, though, that you're very likely to get through this okay.
Think about it. Last year in the U.S. alone, there were more than one million divorces. That's two million people who have gone through this recently and and have lived to tell about it. They got through it. So can you.
Now take another deep breath. See? You'll make it okay, friend. Now let's get started.
Read some of the information on Cutting Through the Crud. There's lots of information there about the divorce process and about how you and your spouse can get through it without killing each other.
As you get more knowledgeable about the Crud, you'll begin gathering information about the main issues of your divorce. This will include your property division, what arrangements to make for your children if you have them, and what sort of child support or alimony is appropriate in your case.
Divorce stinks - there's no question about that. Your challenge is to get through it, one step at a time. You're going to make it. Really.
Guidelines
Navigation
First, please check out the left-hand navigation bar. You will see the resource center, community center and member center. There is a lot of information that may be of interest to you. Also, please read the online safety tips every now and then just to refresh them in your mind. Be sure to read our Community Site Tour for more information on what we have to offer. Please read the tutorial section also - we have easy to follow instructions on how to post a message, how to participate in the chats, and how to add pictures to the photo album. Click on this link - TUTORIALS
Emailing a Manager or Assistant
When emailing a manager, be specific. If you are writing about a post, name the exact one...if it is one post in the thread, be sure to add the number and the name of the person who wrote it..or even a copy of the post. If you would like an answer to your email, make sure your email address is in the body of the letter. Often when a member emails, their return email address isn't included, just "User at MSN communities." We try to answer each email so the sender will know we received it, but if the addy isn't there, we cannot respond. So please be sure to add your email address.
Anti Spam policy!
Before you start posting, let me introduce you to our Anti Spam policy. What is SPAM? Spam is whenever a person tries to sell you something, or when a person tries to direct you to another website that exists for purposes other than healing support.
For example if the site referred to is one you personally would happily provide a link to in a Message Board reply because it is relevant or helpful to divorce or emotional recovery, a link to such a site would not be seen as spam. However links to sites that promote pornography or commercial activity are clearly outside the remit of DCS and will be removed if spotted or drawn to managements attention (preferably by e mail).
Spam is basically unsolicited email that somehow benefits the sender. The managers spend a lot of time keeping this place Spam free (as defined) and have no tolerance for people who break the rules.
Someone scaring you while online?
Whether at this community or at other sites or even on your own Instant Messenger or email, you could be contacted by someone who makes you nervous...who might seem to have a bit too much info on you or is asking questions that make you nervous...If this happens to you, please contact cyber angels. They are a non profit organization trained and working with police to track down and stop cyber stalkers. They WILL help you.
Respecting Other’s Feelings and Opinions
DCS is a place for healing. As such, we expect our members to respect the feelings and opinions of all members. This is not a forum for political debate. We expect our members to:
-Place importance on the feelings of other members. We expect that responses to posts will be respectful of all posters' viewpoints and feelings. Any remarks that are disparaging of a member as a person (e.g. race, religion, sexual orientation, intelligence or life choices) are unacceptable.
-Only one spouse/former spouse may be a DCS member. The spouse that joined DCS earliest is the member with seniority and may retain their membership. The other spouse/former spouse’s membership will be deleted. We want all of our members to feel free to express their opinions. Experience has shown that it is detrimental to the spouses and the membership as a whole to have divorcing spouses as members at the same time.
Respect Member's Train of Thought
-Refrain from changing the subject of an originator's post. If a post bring up a new concept that is different from the originator's post, members are expected to start a new post.
Members email addresses
Some people choose to keep their addy hidden. Some allow them to be seen. This is not an invitation to send contact that person. If someone sends you something unwanted, i.e. spam, they will be banned from the community. If you are getting rude or unwanted email, or getting strange email that says the sender is a member of the community, but you have no idea who they are, PLEASE, forward the email to the managers/asst.managers and let us deal with it. This doesn't mean you cannot correspond with members, just be aware that some members don't like to be contacted directly, maybe you should ask on the message board first. Many people are in a vulnerable position and aren't too keen to have their "privacy" invaded.
For more on the rest of DivorceCare and Support Policies please read the info on the Policies page at http://groups.msn.com/DivorceCareSupport/divorcecaresupportpolicies.msnw
Also be sure to read our sections on being safe while on the internet - Internet Safety Tips
