My Own Place In The Sun
 
 
I used to tell myself
you could learn from me
 
you would find some light
and discover your smile
 
that I could show you
what joy lies
in nature
in a sunset
or a drop of needed rain
 
how just being in love
waking up in the morning
being able to run
or even just walk
are beautiful joyous things
 
but I'm older now
and somewhat wiser
or I am simply just
resigned?
 
I know now that
you live in the darkness
and only come out
for a visit
once or twice a month
 
you squint your eyes
against the brilliance
and allow yourself
the luxury of laughter
and hope
 
you love me without abandon
and we waltz in the light
 
I always lie to myself and say it will last
 
but then you crawl back
down the cellar stairs
and hide again
in your cobwebbed corner
 
you put up the stone walls
that I cannot break through
 
and I dream of your smile and touch again
every night
 
I live in the light
and visit the darkness
on occasions
 
when I afford myself
some time for self pity
or self destruction
or maybe it is when
I face the truth
of my own mistakes
my own regrets
my own fears I do not speak of
 
I know now
I have to find my own way
into the sun
and the warmth
 
I need to find solace
in all the miracles
that exist each and every day
whether you discover them
with me or not

they are there for me
and for everyone who seeks them out
to drink in
and enjoy
and take comfort in
 
and I know you wouldn't want
for that peace
to be taken away
or diminished
ever again.
 
© August 12, 2004
Suzanne "Lily" Jaillet-Isham