feeling alone
feeling alone, very alone
more than just not being with someone
sitting and knowing only the distance
distance formed between two souls
a husband, a wife,
a mother, a daughter
a friend, a lover
changed forever how life will be
knowing the feeling exists
a day at a time I survive
look into the future seeing shadows
nothing known just possibilities
so many possibilities
few so few actualities
reaching out feeling
knowing some are with me
there by my side
my aloneness abating for a moment
others within askance
willing to ease the burden
willing to ease the pain
still alone no matter the case
a day at a time I survive
patience worn thin
waiting for what
who knows anymore
each day just another
ready to give in
relenting and crying
feeling alone, very alone
January 20, 2004
Be
Relax and listen
life and death speak softly
open up and accept
there is beauty and power in their energy
lessons to be learned from being
simply being
empty and forget all
just feel and accept
exist
be there for each other
as simple as that
acceptance
knowing love
not needing to hear
what cannot be said
forget
empty the vessel
become one with the infinate
grasp the blessing
learn
no matter what goes wrong
find the lesson
be love and acceptance
let go
become one
love without thought
go deep
where tears and joy are one
touch and talk and laugh
cry and pray
be
January 23, 2004
Waiting
not a moment passes without me thinking of you
wanting nothing more than to be by your side
waiting and waiting as patient as I can
the waiting more painful as each moment passes
wanting to hear the sound of your voice
the soft whisper of your breath on the air
memory doesn't fulfill the desire within
wanting and waiting wishing you'd call
the way I am feeling full of love and longing
remembering the look in your eyes
I want nothing more than you
waiting not wanting to push
but not wanting the silence here now
here I sit still thinking of you
January 21, 2004
Easy love
easy love a comfortable feel
warmth deeply seeping in
feeling your energy mingle with mine
joy filling and spilling forth
happiness felt as we share
the feel and smell of our skin
heart quickens a beat at a time
breathing in slowly and deeply
the taste of you on the air
kissing tenderly lips softly touch
emotions pour forth
wants and desires cresting
January 26, 2004
There are days
There are days I could hate you
and moments I'm sure I do
but then I don't really have it in me
to be that way through and through
it's much more like me
to work at being nice
to find a way to like you
despite the things you've done.
Will I ever trust you
the way I did before
I don't know if it's possible
but to that end I will try
if only I could see the man
I used to know and love
for just the briefest moment
things would be much plainer
and not so filled with fog.
Did that man exist
or was it some fancy notion
that was put into my heart
to move me for a time
I suppose there is no answer
to a question I cannot ask
so I will have to learn
to become a bit obtuse
and quell the deep desire
to understand what's passed.
Perhaps some far off day
when all is said and done
I'll look back and see what it was
we were meant to be.
January 29th 2004
I remember
I remember that funny smile,
the one that lights up the place for nearly a mile,
the twinkle in your young young eyes,
the look that looks somehow so wise,
you and I we had some fun,
we played and argued and still somehow,
you and I a friendship made,
I miss watching you run and play,
I miss you making those ugly faces,
Those awful noises and tear filled eyes.
Still I remember the bond we formed
so over the years I hope we'll see
this friendship grow between you and me
someday you'll be all grown into a man,
and then we'll see where we stand,
hopefully it will be hand in hand,
in any case I'll always remember
that sweet young boy though ornery at times
the one that dried a few tears of mine
was concerned about how the world worked
the boy that came and captured my heart.
January 31, 2004
Muddle
it's a sad day when all the walls come crashing in around you,
nothing to hold up your fears,
they wander through the ether slipping through the cracks...
it's just the fabric of my imagination,
the feeling I once had but can't quite place,
sounds change warping with numbness sublime
thoughts go ever so slightly bouncing crosswise failing me,
February 2, 2004
Love
Love
Smiles deep inside
Heart beats joyfully
With me always
Love
February 5, 2004
A toast
I can feel your pain...
it's washing over me in waves,
crashing to the shore of existence,
would that I could with a wave of my hand
ease the torment of this lonely night,
reaching out providing safe harbour,
sheltering you from the ache of lonliness,
walk you along the path to a quiet spot within your soul
find the smile hidden deep within
for thou art a wonderful and peaceful man,
aching to find yourself in a swimming sea of humanity
as friends we join and forge the way
easing the pain as steps are made
giving hope when all seems naught
shed the tears for they cleanse and heal
let time dry them one by one
and on the morrow you will find
the day shines brighter than the last
this I give you a bond and oath
to friendship let's give a toast.
February 10, 2004
Feeling worthless
feeling worthless and second hand,
sitting on a the shelf gaining dust,
paint chipped and fading,
waiting to be moved,
waiting remembering,
some old worthless toy,
amusing for the moment,
caste aside and dieing,
moment by moment,
tear by tear,
the quiet deafening,
floating away from the pain,
over and over again,
waiting old hurts making it worse,
silence no friend,
quietly losing my mind,
needing
February 16, 2004
Numb
music easing the quiet,
drawing forth tears,
working it's way through me,
slowly making me numb for another day
February 28, 2004
Solace
solace
till next we touch
wanting the comfort of your arms
reaching out picturing you here with me
feeling the warmth of your love embrace me
enveloping my being pulling me closer
the slightest vision of you
melting my heart and soul
bringing a peace unknown before
a knowing from deep within
my love you are the one
a part of me now
wanting the sound of your voice
opening myself to you
the feel of your breath
the beat of your heart
the essence of your scent
sending my consciousness outward
drawing you closer to me
meeting
connecting
being
happiness
always at thought's distance
knowing
you are here with me
and I with you
till next we touch
solace
February 25, 2004
Maybe
maybe what I need to do
maybe what I need to think and say
is you're just another year or two away
that it makes no never mind
if you think of me
makes no never mind if you never call
you see I know that I will live through it all
though I'd like to share my life
doesn't seem to be the time
I'm sitting here behind these empty walls
filling time and filling space
feeling time and feeling space
yep that's a maybe what I should do
is remind myself it doesn't really matter
how I feel so deep inside
it's just my own illusion
but then I turn around and see
the affect it is you have on me
and I know it really does
mean much more than I let on
maybe what I need to do
maybe what I need to think and say
is you're just another year or two away
it feels so good and feels so right
so tell me why I'm lonely tonight
why I long to hear your voice
patience lost in some kind of secret fear
perhaps if I could just forget
the me that knows and feels you yet
maybe I could convince myself
it really doesn't matter
learn to put myself on hold
without this worthless feeling told
without drifting off and losing sight
of the feelings I hold so deep inside
wanting outlet but finding none
maybe what I need to do
maybe what I need to think and say
is I just need to go away....
March 1, 2004
I shed a tear
I shed a tear...
would you notice
I shed a tear...
if I were to disappear
I shed a tear...
would it matter
I shed a tear...
if I were not there
I shed a tear...
would you miss me
I shed a tear...
if you did not hear my voice
I shed a tear...
or would I simply cease
I shed a tear...
no longer
I shed a tear...
.........
I shed a tear...
March 10, 2004
Something Special
my mind racing a million thoughts
heart beating a little louder
you're on my mind making me float
bringing the smiles from deep inside
giddy and feeling like a child
the sound of your voice
and the feeling you give
your energy and mine singing
joining in a happy dance
something special here it's plain
are you here to tempt me
or are you the reward
my mind racing a million thoughts
you causing the rush
enjoying the feel
I sense you already
a connection forming
you feel it too
a crackle in the air
magick abounds
March 13, 2004
Passion Flares
passion flares thinking leaves
just feeling you and me
together touching deeper than flesh
every sensation new
a beat pounding inside
pulling and pushing
becoming one in mind and motion
love and sharing
subtle and soft
animal uncontrolled
flowing melding into one
flesh on flesh
entwined
ancient pulses dancing on
hearts joining
minds connecting
lips on fire
seeking finding
losing self
giving all
growling
spent
yet wanting more
March 14, 2004
The dragon
A gift once given
the dragon
placed tenderly with love around my neck
standing there beside the stones
the mountains in review applaud
twas a part of you
as you made it so
a promise
a future
the dragon
now a part of me
resting there
between my breast
where it for a short time belonged
soon enough it belonged no more
the world had shifted
and life had changed
the dragon
bit and stung in pain
growled fought till twas removed
set aside for memories sake
part of a love now gone away
sad token of a future lost
reminder not to trust so much
sitting in it's faery box
the dragon
called to me today
begged to be placed around my neck
here it sits upon my breast
protecting me somehow some why
against what foe I do not know
and why it should call to me just now
is some hidden mystery
March 15, 2004
thanks for nothing
aching and wondering why
shouldn't feel this way
feeling a loss for what was not
seemingly hardly a presence
not there when needed
only at the other's convenience
that's no relationship
distant and quiet
no sharing or caring
or so it seems
only what the other needed
at their whim with no regard
that is no way to live
and certainly no way to love
wanting time and getting none
left alone to sit in pain
feeling unwanted and shunned
when just the smallest bit of care
would have made a difference here
thanks for nothing
for that's what I got
asked for little
got even less
now I'm hurting
and I don't know why
March 16, 2004
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