Lost souls
Halls stretching in surreal appeal
blank walls staring with mocking eyes
weary heart burdened in pity and disgust
churning thoughts fading in and out
lost souls screaming silently
begging release with vacant eyes
oblivious of motions made
downward spiraling at sickening pace
bottom further than mercy's sake
craggy abyss waiting patiently
doomed as self deluded
aching numbing pain
visions of destruction laid
float away
float away
seek a cure find a spark
feeling oh feeling
too much feeling for feelings sake
overloaded finding more than sought
flooding in crashing thrashing
violent pain entering in
horror struck finding their truths
they know not what they do
they care not that they do
knowing doing
listening to her call
ether words spoken in symbolic tongues
flashing in cinemascopic style
passion strikes with blinding cries
grasping reaching for mother's hand
begging father to end it all
help me dear god help me
must find a way
heal souls tis my way
praying pleading seeking
float away
float away
drink deep in the amber pool
seeing all too clearly in mind's eye
breath in deep and float away
float away
embrace all
release let go
visions flow
reach out patterns seen
weave it build it specially
tailored to seep in quiet
heal shhhhhh
heal shhhhhh
breath in possibilities
filter through and send in light
give one strength for later use
hidden with symbolic gift
needful for that final hour
hope upon hope it saves the soul
fade in fade out repeatedly
heady feelings creeping in
murmurs beyond the veil falls
welcoming me back these lost souls
in the house of broken dreams
and in the land not far behind
'tween the ruins where they play
angry at what befell
become mine champions
they hath made them flee
have shown the way
started a healing long overdue
yet some remain
drifting in and floating off
visions come in little bits
doing what must be done
planting seeds to be grown
hope a spark in the night
oh mother how to cope
bare naked in front of thee
crying for freedom
here's my best
dear god I pray don't let me fail
May 11, 2004
Here I sit wondering what will be,
not even knowing what I want,
knowing only that when we talk I feel better,
when I think about you there's some comfort found,
feel safer with a friend that sees and knows
someone that lets me be me for good or bad
no pushing me into some silly mold
wanting the same in return
you being you with no grand expectations
hoping beyond hope I find my way
working on me and what I need
when what's needed isn't so clear
afraid to make plans for more than a day.
May 17, 2004
afraid
so afraid to want you,
as if the wanting is a sin,
some selfish thought,
not allowed to enter in,
afraid you'll disappear,
fade away without a trace,
no words of love to hold me,
no signs of caring to touch me,
so afraid to want you,
but you see I do,
this warmth inside is you,
my thoughts with you reside,
the want quietly waiting,
afraid to venture forth,
peeking out from time to time,
hoping to see the want returned,
so afraid to want you,
keeping quiet lest I lose you,
May 17, 2004
never to haunt me again
sifting through files
finding little bombs
bits here and pieces there
tearing my heart apart
a massage given
the first step taken
a reading sent to me
showing how you felt
or a conversation held long ago
taking me on the journey made
steps taken that can't be changed
now here to burn and sting
deleting them one by one
purging the last of you from inside
cleansing more than my pc
getting rid of the reminders
eliminating the words
of that which was turned to lies
proof that it wasn't my imagination
that you once felt what we did
or that you made me out the fool
my sin to love without restraint
to trust and give it all
never now to trust like that again
see the damage you've done
with no remorse without a care
blank eyes that only stare
release is mine as I confirm
and click the yes to send it away
never to haunt me again
wish I could say the same for you
May 18, 2004
So cheers drink up!
I'm sorry you pissed in your beer?
You don't like the end result?
Why didn't you think before you peed?
I'm sorry you said what?
It's my fault for letting you?
Somehow I'm to blame?
Didn't you learn the last time round?
Don't you like your beer that way?
Why did you piss in it then?
Oh I'm uncaring and am no friend?
I don't understand?
Is that really what you mean?
How could I possibly relate?
What are you asking for me to do?
You want me to drink your beer?
Perhaps you need to think again?
Maybe someday you'll learn?
Don't piss in your beer and if you do!
It's your own damned fault!
So cheers drink up!
May 19, 2004
temptation
the reading showed
a destined path
as foretold way back then
vows were made and souls joined
a vast and wonderful future told
loving and growing together as one
the reading said don't fall
temptation will come your way
be wary and choose carefully
for if you fail and temptation wins
of all I speak will cease to be
and here a looking back
it's clearly seen
temptation reared her ugly head
you fought not to keep what was good
instead she won, you fell to her
temptation won and has your soul
withering, dying, and fading away
eyes of the damned
hollow and empty
devoid of feeling
slowly losing all
temptation feeds on and on
claws in deep down to the bone
leaving just a shell
temptation wins
May 19, 2004
Puppet on her strings
See the strings
feel them pull
moving the puppet
at her will
no longer aware
she moves them so
eyes glazed over
heart of stone
forsaken a trust
forever broken
see the strings
feel them pull
another game
a different day
it's not mother's way
what's being done
ashamed to watch
not much there is to do
as the strings pull
and her will be known
ill intent full at work
rotting from the inside out
dance puppet dance
to a very sad song
a tune made in your disgrace
pretend you move
of your own accord
delusion part of saving face
pipe dreams drift away
on smokie trails
and seen in empty glass
pour another
lest we know
and understand
the piper plays his foul tune
dance puppet dance
see the strings
feel the pull
how do they feel
those strings you willingly endure
tell yourself it's all good
helping fix what can't be fixed
eroding and sucking
bleeding you dry
with each dance step
can't you see
dare you see
you're nothing more
a puppet on her strings
May 20, 2004
figment
my heart plays a melancholoy tune
aching for the slightest bit of you
a sound, a word, a touch, a feel
why do I feel the way I do
longing for you through out the day
it's not like we've ever touched
or that we've even met
some figment of my imagination
is where you sit at rest
the sound of your tender voice
the feel of your caress
a kiss placed just so
a lover and a friend
is waiting here in me
my heart plays a melancholoy tune
aching for the slightest bit of you
a sound, a word, a touch, a feel
why do I feel the way I do
longing for you through out the day
it's not like we've ever touched
or that we've even met
some figment of my imagination
is where you sit at rest
my arms reach out into the night
wrapping around the vision slight
the man that lays beside of me
is only in my head
my heart plays a melancholoy tune
aching for the slightest bit of you
a sound, a word, a touch, a feel
why do I feel the way I do
longing for you through out the day
it's not like we've ever touched
or that we've even met
some figment of my imagination
is where you sit at rest
I breath in softly and taste the scent
and touch you tenderly
pulling you close and loving you
joined in ecstasy
a tear now forms
and softly falls
runs down my cheek
in final loving release
my heart plays a melancholoy tune
aching for the slightest bit of you
a sound, a word, a touch, a feel
why do I feel the way I do
longing for you through out the day
it's not like we've ever touched
or that we've even met
some figment of my imagination
is where you sit at rest
waking now from that sweet dream
reality casting me away
I wait with longing in my heart
just short of my desire
wondering if you'll ever be
more than what is now
my heart plays a melancholoy tune
aching for the slightest bit of you
a sound, a word, a touch, a feel
why do I feel the way I do
longing for you through out the day
it's not like we've ever touched
or that we've even met
May 20, 2004
terrified and crying
it came to me so innocently
in the mail one day
this piece of paper
and it said you're not as well as you may seem
the implications were not lost
I see them all too well
you see the facts are all too plain
that something just ain't right
fear and panic set in for a day or two
and then I managed to set myself at ease
it came and went several times
and I've managed to get a handle
now here I am a ways bit later
and yet another test
different than before
but once again it seems my fate
it came to me so innocently
in the mail today
this peice of paper
said you're not as well as you may seem
once again the implications are not lost
I see them all too well
you see the facts are all too plain
that something just ain't right
now I'm terrified and crying
how do I find a positive thought
when all is dark and gloomy
reaching out I cry to you
please help me lord and lady
I'm feeling rather needy
been working hard to learn and grow
always listening to do what's right
giving my faith in thee
take the steps you designate
please tell me how to proceed
what do you want of me
I'm terrified and crying
May 20, 2004
What to say
Don't know exactly what to say
hurting over you and me
really doesn't need to be
you belong in my life
this I know
as friend or brother
not really sure
just somehow
what we had did not work
we came from different places
our needs and wants too far apart
even though it felt so right
I want try to make it good
a friendship between me and you
I'll be here for you
if you shall ever need..
May 20, 2004
Love me?
The wound opens seeping forth
pain growing taking hold
knees weaken
mind bends
tears forming
so much could have been
mistakes in choices made
long past the what ifs
a changed me
now afraid to want
afraid to know
if this feeling is returned
wounded and weak
crying silently
moving on slowly
hoping with a glimmer
grasping at the light
shivering inside
timidly reaching out
to you
love me?
*tear slips down the face*
5/24/04
Toy
Let me be your toy
Would be fun to play
You'll find me willing
Come play with me today
I have the desire buried deep down
Potential to be so much more
But why ruin what we have
Lets play and have some fun
Don't know what I want
In the long long run
I do know that today
I'd like for you to play
Let me be your toy
I'd like to make you smile
So play with me awhile
I have my fears and other thoughts
Afraid to even want
Let's have some fun without fear
And take some time to heal
So let me be your toy
And let us play awhile
Let me be your toy
Come and make me smile.
5/24/04
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