hurt & wondering why
tired & confused
pain washing over me
trust betrayed
friendship was
but now no more
not sure of a path back
not sure if it should be found
you were my friend
I gave support
showed caring
listened often
amused you more
remained your friend
though you yelled
you called me names
caused me grief
I cared
I gave you more
was always there
doesn't matter anyhow
attacked my mind and my soul
it didn't work
it angered you
again attacked with more force
I blocked for all it's worth
angered filled you even more
you were my friend
I gave support
showed caring
listened often
amused you more
remained your friend
though you yelled
you called me names
caused me grief
I cared
I gave you more
was always there
doesn't matter anyhow
attack changed verbally
yelling at me
to get your way
calling me names
to cause me pain
what was it I used to feel
friendship and caring
but now just numb
you were my friend
I gave support
showed caring
listened often
amused you more
remained your friend
though you yelled
you called me names
caused me grief
I cared
I gave you more
was always there
doesn't matter anyhow
hurt & wondering why
tired & confused
pain washing over me
trust betrayed
friendship was
but now no more
not sure of a path back
not sure if it should be found
you were my friend
I gave support
showed caring
listened often
amused you more
remained your friend
though you yelled
you called me names
caused me grief
I cared
I gave you more
was always there
doesn't matter anyhow
why enters my mind
thinking how could you
sleep lost
not wanted
then how dare you
slowly days later
anger building
begins the healing
you were my friend
I gave support
showed caring
listened often
amused you more
remained your friend
though you yelled
you called me names
caused me grief
I cared
I gave you more
was always there
doesn't matter anyhow
(January 21, 2003)
Forever and always
Wakened in the night
slumber broken by loving touch
feeling you there with me
sure I must be dreaming
for life cannot be so sweet
dreams come to life and lingering
feeling your love envelope me
making love with you
happiness and joy is mine
reaching out and touching you
feeling you with my mind
loving you with my soul
forever and always I am yours
desire splashing across into tomorrow
passion drenching all existence
vibrations of love and caring
physical touch eluding us
yesterday gone but eternity comes
searching for you
love not waning ever growing
aching and longing for your touch
want and need you near determined find you
feeling you and knowing you're there
sometime, some when, some life
reaching across time and space
loving you forever and always
Sure I must be dreaming for this cannot be real
the feeling of being in heaven
recognizing, welcoming loves embrace
feeling as one we become we
my soul is set I love you, knowing you feel the same
destined to be lovers and touching in the flesh
yet dreaming can't possibly be awake
dreaming of you often and forever and always
(January 29, 2003)
MOODY
moody ...singing songs that make me sad...and turning my heart inside out...
moody....wanting to shut it all out screaming and throwing a fit hollering and being a wench
moody...looking around and smiling and giggling with happiness
moody... crying softly and holding you tight not knowing why it is that I cry
moody....sitting here thinking of you wishing that I could see the light in your eyes for me
moody.... happy to have around making my life so complete you are the best thing I've found
moody....dancing and singing in the rain and sunshine will visit again
(February 5, 2003)
Me, yours
Where would I be with out loving you?
my soul cries out to yours trusting,
we are meant for this sharing,
my heart feels the caring,
I live for the wanting,
my essence fully knowing,
I cling to this feeling,
and simply being,
me, yours.
(February 28, 2003)
Loving You
head swimming,
thoughts running wild,
the feeling surreal,
focus coming and going,
treading in unfamiliar waters,
the sensation wonderful,
yet frightening,
emotions flooding,
caution lost,
then found again,
desire burning,
sharing felt,
feeling you there,
part of me now,
emotions flooding,
trying not to hope,
tempering the want,
unsuccessful,
excitement rising,
letting go,
loving you
(February 28, 2003)
Release it I implore!!!
Anger seeps in slowly through wounded pores,
finding nourishment in deep seated memories,
growing, filling the soul with bitterness,
imperceptible at first,
but tainting the energy none the less,
Cherishing the feeling,
holding the feeling tight like a friend,
wallowing in self pity,
go ahead embrace it deep within,
the poisoned feeling is feeling,
Numbness comes and goes,
but this anger is feeling,
so is grasped and held closer still,
comforting in its power to invade,
the anger fights for control,
does not want release,
don't dare cry, don't dare think,
just feel the anger,
it talks, it pleads,
release is its enemy,
the bitterness says hold on,
release can't be done,
must remember, must not let go,
wallow here with me feel...feel...feel...
Yelling and screaming through every fiber now,
the anger, the hurt wins, it lives and grows,
release forgotten, release ignored, putrid to the core....
yet release it I implore!!!
(March 4, 2003)
Tired
tired just tired
can't pretend anymore
no hiding from the truth
never would anyway
love me for me
(March 5, 2003)
mind wanders
mind wanders
heart searches
finds comfort
inspired
feeling
knowing
aching pain
ecstasy and melancholy
aware
the depth
the feel
forward movement
now
today
tomorrow
remembers yesterday
aching memory
desire held
mind wanders
(March 5, 2003)
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